Here Comes the Bride
by cliffieluv
Summary: AU - Haley is the mother of Jake's baby but is she falling for Nathan? -- THE END
1. Default Chapter

[B]Here Comes The Bride[/B]  
  
Haley James hated weddings. It wasn't that she didn't believe in love, or that she was frightened off by the staggering climb in divorce rates, which could make any sane person question why people in fact still got married. No, this hatred of weddings was neither new nor statistically based. It stemmed from the long standing James tradition of throwing horrifying ceremonies and terrifying receptions where everything and anything awful could and would happen. She could honestly say that she had not attended one family function that did not end with a fight, a birth, a trip to the hospital or a drunk relative face down in a cake.  
  
Her six older siblings were marrying off one by one. In the last five years Haley had participated in the weddings for two of her brothers and one of her sisters. At the bridal shower for her sister Gina, their aunt Edna ate half of a tuna casserole before remembering she was allergic to fish and had to be rushed to the hospital. Then at the wedding itself their younger cousins Brandon and Jimmy decided it would be a funny trick to sneak into the kitchen and hide the little bride and groom figures that sit on top of the wedding cake in the base of the cake so that the bride almost choked on it while eating the celebratory first piece.  
  
David, the eldest James child, had been the first to get married. His bride tripped over her train on the way down the aisle and almost fell face first into a pew. As if that weren't enough, at the reception held in a beautiful country club, her then sixteen-year old sister Noelle got plastered on champagne, cursed her parents out, called the bride an ugly dog, then proceeded to trash the bathroom with toilet paper and tampon wrappers.  
  
When her cousin Frank got married six months after her sister Gina, Haley hoped to a higher being that nothing would go wrong. Noelle had been in therapy for a while by that point, Brandon had been sent to live with relatives on his fathers side, Jimmy had become more interested in girls than playing pranks, and aunt Edna was watched like a hawk to make sure she only ate poultry. What the James family didn't count on was trouble coming from another source - her older brother Timothy.  
  
Haley should have known something was going awry when her brother began his "best man" speech in the following manner: "I am honored that Frank, my cousin and best friend, asked me to stand up for him even though he knows that he can never return the favor." Timothy then proceeded to 'come out' to his family in front of a room full of family members as well as many strangers. Timothy actually started a trend, as her younger cousin Jeff came out later that year right after the turkey had been carved during Thanksgiving dinner.  
  
Last year when her brother Owen got married, it had been fifteen-year old Haley herself who had stirred up the trouble pot. She had brought her then boyfriend Jake to the reception, and much to her surprise nothing had gone exceptionally wrong. The party was boring though, too much elevator music and not enough free liquor, so they snuck away to a vacant room to spend some time 'alone.' Little did they realize they were in the bridal suite until her brothers walked in on Haley with her dress on the floor and Jake with his pants around his ankles.  
  
It didn't help matters that when her parents later asked why she would have unprotected sex at her brothers wedding, her response was: "what does it matter, I'm already pregnant."  
  
**  
  
Haley stood at the foot of the stairs with her daughter Gracie in her arms. She yelled again for her sister Gina to get off the phone and drive her over to Jake's to drop off the baby or they would be late to the church.  
  
"If you're not old enough to drive you definitely shouldn't be old enough to have a baby," her sister mumbled as she flew down the stairs.  
  
"I can drive, just not well," Haley threw back at her sister as she followed her out the door.  
  
"If you girls aren't back in fifteen minutes the limo is leaving without you," her mother called from the front door as Gina climbed into the drivers seat and Haley fastened her daughter into the car seat before scooting into the car next to her.  
  
"C'mon, motor," Haley instructed her sister.  
  
It took five minutes to get to Jake's house. With her six-month old daughter hanging on her waist, Haley rang the doorbell four, five, six times before it opened up revealing a disheveled looking Jake in the frame.  
  
"Haley, its eight in the morning," he said, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"You agreed to watch the baby today while I went to my brother's wedding, remember?" she said impatiently, almost thrusting her daughter into his arms.  
  
"Mommy loves you Gracie but she's really late and grandma is going to kill her if she isn't back," Haley rambled as she kissed the baby softly on the head three times and threw the diaper bag at his feet.  
  
Jake shifted so his daughter was in a more comfortable position and watched as Haley retreated back to the car. He waved at Gina who waved back at him.  
  
"No loud parties Jake, I mean it and don't forget to feed and change her every few hours."  
  
Jake smiled.  
  
"Pizza bites and beer in her bottle," he teased. "I know, Haley."  
  
She rolled her eyes.  
  
"I'll pick her up sometime after midnight and she better be asleep this time," Haley said.  
  
"She will. Try not to outdo yourself at this wedding," Jake called to her with a laugh.  
  
He was graced with the retreating form of Haley's middle finger - stuck up and out of the car window as it sped away.  
  
**  
  
"Dude, how can we have a party with her here?" Tim asked incredulously pointing at Gracie playing with a rattle on a baby mat on the floor.  
  
Jake chuckled.  
  
"We can still party. I'll put her down in my room before everyone else gets here, and if we keep the music just a little lower than usual she should sleep right through it," Jake answered.  
  
"Haley is going to kill you if she finds out," Tim reminded him, "but I guess it sounds like a do-able plan."  
  
"I'm not worried about Haley. She is going to have enough to deal with after the fallout of whatever craziness happens at today's James wedding. She isn't going to be in the mood to rag on me," Jake said.  
  
"Why didn't she just take the baby with her?" Tim asked, plopping himself down on the sofa next to Brooke and putting his feet up on the coffee table.  
  
"Her brother says babies are too loud and messy for formal functions so I'm left with Daddy duty today," he explained.  
  
Tim cracked a lecherous smile.  
  
"You should have gone with Haley. You know, just to press your luck and see if you could have pulled off having sex again only this time without getting caught," he said.  
  
Jake let out a laugh.  
  
"That would have been fun, and we could have if Haley hadn't been banned from bringing a date," he said seriously.  
  
"Her parents banned her? That's like - social suicide," Brooke chimed in with a horrified look on her face.  
  
She looked fondly at the baby on the floor.  
  
"You two did create a cute kid though so I guess it's almost worth it," she said as an afterthought, "and its not like they banned her from prom so that's a plus."  
  
Jake smiled at his daughter and bent down to pick her up.  
  
"Hey, speaking of cute where'd Nathan go?" Brooke asked suddenly.  
  
"Who cares," Tim answered.  
  
Jake raised his eyebrow at Tim.  
  
"That's called 'jealousy'," he explained with a smirk to Gracie.  
  
"No, it's just really pathetic how all you skirts chase after Nathan like he's so great," Tim replied.  
  
"I do not chase," Brooke lamented, "and I think I'm also insulted."  
  
"Yeah right, begging him to get to third base isn't pathetic at all," Tim shot back.  
  
Brooke was hurt that Nathan told Tim about that. She looked around and noticed Peyton in the kitchen talking to Luke.  
  
"You're such an ass," she said then apologized at Jake for cursing in front of the baby.  
  
Brooke huffed out of the room and over to Peyton and linked arms with her best friend and put her head down on her shoulder. Luke and Peyton stopped talking mid-conversation.  
  
"Uh, hi?" Peyton questioned.  
  
"I hate boys. No offense pretty," Brooke said, using her pet name for Luke.  
  
Peyton laughed.  
  
"Brooke, if you stopped throw yourself at Nathan then the others wouldn't keep ribbing you about it," Peyton said knowingly.  
  
Brooke sighed.  
  
"I wouldn't want Nathan if Brett Mullen would just break up with Trisha Allen already," Brooke said, thinking about Tree Hill High's incredibly gorgeous lean muscled quarterback.  
  
Peyton nodded her head.  
  
"I understand how a girl might have to make such sacrifices," she mocked Brooke.  
  
Lucas looked back and forth from Brooke to Peyton.  
  
"Is this a usual conversation between the two of you because if it is I'm very frightened for the human race," he joked.  
  
"It's no better than the conversation those two were having about Haley," Brooke said after a moment.  
  
Lucas narrowed his eyes slightly at Tim in the other room.  
  
"Is he talking trash about Hales again, or just you?" Luke asked.  
  
Brooke rolled her eyes.  
  
"Just me, pretty," she said not wanting to start another fight between Lucas and Tim.  
  
Freshman year Lucas had joined the Raven's basketball team and at first Nathan, Tim and the others had given him hell. Over the course of the year though Jake befriended Luke and the hazing had stopped. Then Luke brought Haley to a victory party one night, introduced her to Jake, and the two dated but she got pregnant before they parted ways. Haley didn't seem to have any trouble finding comfort afterward, mostly with a few of the other guys on the team or a friend of Brooke's from another high school.  
  
Lucas is Haley's best friend and Nathan is his half-brother. The two only get along if nobody ever brings up that fact, so of course it's the first topic to be brought up at every party.  
  
"Why is your brother up in Jake's room with that slut when he could have me?" Brooke asked dejectedly.  
  
Luke grimaced and Peyton tried to ease the tension by continuing her teasing of Brooke.  
  
"You are definitely getting a vibrator for Christmas," Peyton said with a laugh.  
  
Brooke sighed.  
  
"Just make sure it glows in the dark."  
  
**  
  
Haley stood by the bar fighting with the bartender.  
  
"All I want is one drink, two tops. I won't make it through this wedding unless I'm at least partially inebriated," she complained to the young twenty-something man.  
  
She tilted her head sideways and gave him her most convincing puppy-dog eyes.  
  
"I can't serve you. That woman over there gave me strict orders," he said, motioning over to her mother.  
  
"You have to be kidding," Haley muttered under her breath.  
  
The bartender laughed.  
  
"Afraid not," he said, "but I know how these things can be so how about I put a little of this in your Shirley Temple, just to take the edge off," he said pouring a little rum into her red drink.  
  
"You are a God. I swear I would give you my first born if I didn't already have one and love her too much to give her to you," she rambled as she downed the drink in one shot.  
  
The bartender looked at her curiously.  
  
"I'm not allowed to serve you alcohol but you have a child?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, kind of the reason I'm not allowed to drink. Last wedding my boyfriend and I got caught practicing position 28 in the bridal suite and since then I've been on a very short leash," Haley said.  
  
The bartender took her now empty drink and refilled it with more soda and juice.  
  
"I have a break coming up," he said slowly as he poured more rum into her drink. "I know somewhere we won't get caught."  
  
Haley smiled.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
**  
  
It was almost one when Haley knocked on Jake's door. Since it was late and there wouldn't be too many people on the road, she had actually convinced her sister to let her borrow the car. Haley knocked again, trying to make herself heard over the loud music that Jake promised wouldn't be played. She reached under the potted plant to where the extra key was hidden and opened the door for herself. She cringed as she stepped into a smoke filled room.  
  
She walked past a crowd of cheerleaders and some basketball players who waved to her and tried to stop her to talk. She found Jake a moment later with a tall redheaded girl straddling his lap. The radio was on the table and she shut it off, instigating groans from many of the partiers.  
  
"Where is my child?" she asked harshly.  
  
Her voice sounded even louder than it was in the now deafening silence.  
  
"Upstairs sleeping," he answered breathlessly, trying to untangle himself from the girl from his lap.  
  
"There is no way she slept through that Jake. I've been here one minute and I feel like my ears are going to start bleeding," she said walking fast up the stairs with Jake right behind her.  
  
She stepped over a couple who were making out on the top step and threw open the door to Jake's room. She peered inside. The crib was empty and Haley started to panic.  
  
"Where is she Jake?" she started to scream. "What the hell happened to Gracie?"  
  
She turned around quickly when she heard a familiar cooing noise behind her. There stood Nathan Scott with baby Gracie in his arms. Haley felt herself sigh with relief and she reached out eagerly for her child. Her hand grazed Nathan's arm as she removed the child from his grasp.  
  
Haley looked over the baby for any possible damages.  
  
"She's fine Haley. Luke, Peyton and I were watching her in the kitchen," Nathan said.  
  
Haley looked relieved.  
  
"As long as she was with Lucas," she said after a moment but still checking Gracie, kissing her hair and cheeks and fingers.  
  
Gracie started to fuss and Nathan held out a warm bottle he was holding.  
  
"Here, we just made this for her. I was going to rock her to sleep with it," he said before giving Haley one last look then turning on his heels and walking away.  
  
Haley faced Jake angrily.  
  
"If captain jackass Nathan Scott is a better babysitter for my child than you are, then we have a major problem," she spat at him.  
  
"Hey, I watched her all day while Nathan was upstairs screwing every other cheerleader who walked through the door so don't get on my back," Jake replied.  
  
"Forget it," she said before walking back the way she came and out to her car. She looked back at the house before pulling away, and noticed with passing thought that one of the open window curtains was pulled back. She was almost sure it had been Nathan Scott staring at her through the reflection.  
  
**  
  
Brooke twirled a strand of her long brown hair around her finger.  
  
"Haley, this is not my fault. I shouldn't have to be there to referee Jake," she said to her friend, who was busy stuffing Gracie's chubby legs into a blue flowered jumper. "The baby was fine with Lucas and Peyton and I finally got lucky with Nathan, so it looks like everyone besides Jake all won."  
  
Haley sighed.  
  
"He tries to help me with Gracie but whenever the guys are around or he becomes all hormonal with a girl his parenting skills go to shit," she said.  
  
Brooke laughed.  
  
"He's sixteen. What did you expect? I mean, were you really thinking about Gracie when you were screwing the bartender?" she asked coyly.  
  
Haley grimaced.  
  
"Okay, no but at least I.I," she faltered.  
  
Brooke rolled her eyes.  
  
"The blame game isn't always so easy Haley. Give Jake a break. Hey, that rhymes," she said with a laugh.  
  
Haley finished buttoning the outfit and slipped two pink booties on Gracie's feet and lifted the baby into her arms.  
  
"So you and Nathan huh? What happened?" Haley asked, fishing for details.  
  
Brooke let out a whistle.  
  
"He is just as good as everyone says Haley. I never worked so hard to keep up with a guy," she said.  
  
Haley brushed Gracie's fuzz hair with a soft baby brush.  
  
"That doesn't sound good. That sounds like unnecessary aggravation," Haley replied. "Although, with bartender-guy there was no aggravation and it got boring fast."  
  
Brooke laughed.  
  
"You're parents are going to kill you if they hear any of this sex-talk," she said. "So tell me, did anything catastrophic happen at this James wedding besides your lack of an orgasm."  
  
Haley grimaced.  
  
"Noelle fell off the wagon. She knew mom would be watching her so she smuggled in some John Cuervo and drank it in the bathroom."  
  
"Oh, poor girl," Brooke empathized.  
  
Haley half-smiled.  
  
"It's not so bad. I get to use her television and DVD player while she's in rehab," she tried to make light of the situation.  
  
"You're terrible Haley."  
  
Haley shrugged.  
  
"Maybe, but at least I'm honest."  
  
**  
  
Nathan closed his eyes as the nameless girl writhed above him. She wasn't exactly nameless. He swear he knew it when he asked her to come upstairs with him but right now he had no idea what it was so instead of just keeping silent he moaned 'baby' a few times and that seemed to appease her. He started sucking on her neck to keep from having to say any more.  
  
His enjoyment slowly turned to boredom and his mind started to wander away from the girl on the bed. He started to fantasize that he was with Brooke but not even that thought was enough to keep him interested. He let the girl do whatever she wanted as his mind turned back to the sport's game he watched earlier that day with Jake. His favorite college team had lost and the guys had been so angry about it. It wasn't that he knew they could play better than they had, it was that more selfishly he knew that he could play ten times better than those guys. He grunted remembering the final losing score and he watched as the girl squealed in surprise as he angrily flipped her over.  
  
It was another Saturday night and they were throwing another party at Jake's house. His parents were still in Europe and the team was milking their vacation for all it was worth. When the girl fell asleep he slipped on his boxers and his jeans and headed downstairs to see what else was going on.  
  
He heard a baby crying and realized Jake's kid must be here again, which was why he didn't hear any loud music pulsating through the house. Instead soft make out music was playing and it didn't seem like anyone minded the difference that there wasn't any rap or hip-hop blasting. Peyton and Lucas were on one couch and two girls Nathan didn't know were on the other.  
  
He followed the crying and saw Haley and Jake fighting in the kitchen. He was hidden in the shadows and was able to observe the pair without being seen. The two hardly acted like old lovers. He was about to go back upstairs to the nameless girl when Brooke tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"There you are," she whispered.  
  
Nathan smiled at her.  
  
"Where were you? I was looking for you," he made up on the spot.  
  
Brooke grinned.  
  
"Let's go up to Jake's room," she said suggestively.  
  
Nathan leaned in closer and nibbled on her ear.  
  
"There are people up there. Let's go to the guest room," he said, putting his arm around her shoulder.  
  
He watched Haley and Jake for a moment longer. The two were staring at each other over their daughter's head before she leaned in for a kiss.  
  
"Nathan, you ready?" Brooke asked.  
  
"Yeah, c'mon," he answered, digging his hand into her back pocket and pulling her towards the hopefully empty room.  
  
Gracie's ear-piercing scream jolted Haley out of sleep. She quickly untangled herself from Jake's arms and ran over to where Gracie was standing up in the crib her paternal grandparents had bought for her. She lifted the fussing baby up and tried unsuccessfully to appease her daughter's distemper. Gracie continued to wail so loudly that even sound- sleeper Jake cracked an eye open to see what was going on. Haley checked Gracie's diaper but the child was neither wet nor dirty. The baby wasn't rubbing her ear so it wasn't another ear infection. Haley had only one more idea left. She ran her pointer finger along the child's hard gums. The contact made the baby squirm even more violently in Haley's arms. Gracie had indeed started teething and she seemed to be in a great deal of pain.  
  
Jake had pulled the pillow over his head and gone back to sleep without even asking if Gracie was okay. Haley cursed at him under her breath before walking with the miserable baby downstairs in order to try and find some temporary relief for Gracie in the kitchen. She searched for a teething ring in the freezer but Jake must have forgotten to buy one so she grabbed an ice cube and let the baby suck on it instead.  
  
The party had ended some time after two. Haley had a feeling there must be some people still left in the extra bedrooms but for all purposes the house looked and felt deserted. The ice had worked for a time to calm Gracie's aggravated gums but the baby was starting to squirm and fuss again in her arms. She switched positions so the baby was now over her shoulder but that didn't make any difference. Gracie screamed in frustration and spit out the ice that Haley had tried to place back in her mouth.  
  
"Here, let me take her while you make a bottle," a deep voice said from behind her.  
  
Haley handed Gracie over to a half-dressed, rumpled-haired Nathan Scott.  
  
"I'm sorry if we woke you up," Haley apologized.  
  
She removed a bottle from the refrigerator and placed it on the counter, then ran some water into a pot and placed it on the stove to heat up. She was surprised when she turned back around and Gracie had stopped crying and was now sucking contently on Nathan's pinkie finger.  
  
"Be careful she bites," Haley said with a laugh.  
  
"So does Brooke but I've gotten used to it," he responded, smiling down at Gracie who must have chomped down hard because Nathan made a face.  
  
"See, I told you so," she said as the water began to boil.  
  
"That hurt," he said to the baby who just stared up at him cooing.  
  
"Well, the bottle will be done in a few minutes then you can go back to sleep," Haley said, "hopefully with all your appendages still in tact."  
  
He leaned down to kiss Gracie on the forehead.  
  
"I'd rather stay up," Nathan said honestly.  
  
Haley looked at him confused.  
  
"Why do you do that?" she asked.  
  
He chuckled.  
  
"Why do I do what?" he asked her back.  
  
Haley sighed.  
  
"You know, help me with her when Jake won't," she replied.  
  
Nathan shrugged.  
  
"I just like to," he answered. "So tell me about the wedding last week. I hear things went pretty badly for Ellie."  
  
Haley nodded.  
  
"Yeah, she's back in rehab. If you want to visit I can give you the times for conjugal visits," she said.  
  
"Haley, it wasn't like that with me and her," he explained.  
  
"Why was that?" she asked, terribly curious for the answer.  
  
She took the bottle out of the boiling water and tested the temperature of the formula on her wrist. It was still cool so she turned her attention back to Nathan.  
  
"I was interested in someone else," he replied simply.  
  
"Oh," she said, "anyone I know?"  
  
To which he replied.  
  
"Yeah, probably."  
  
**  
  
After the bottle had finally been warmed up, Haley had taken Gracie back upstairs and Nathan had returned to Brooke in the guest room. He slid into the bed quietly but the shifting weight on the mattress woke her up.  
  
"Hey," she greeted him huskily, "where were you?"  
  
Nathan grunted and pulled some of the blankets away from her in order to warm himself up.  
  
"In the kitchen with two beautiful girls," he replied.  
  
Brooke laughed tiredly.  
  
"Yeah, you wish lover."  
  
She tried to reach for the blanket he stole but he swatted her hand away, then kissed her chastely on the lips.  
  
"Gross, you have stale beer breath," Brooke giggled, "and stop being such a cover hog."  
  
"I can still kick you out so quit complaining," he ordered, stifling a yawn.  
  
Brooke smiled.  
  
"Did I tire you out, Big Man?" she asked suggestively.  
  
Nathan caressed her exposed stomach.  
  
"Yeah, you wish lover," he repeated her sentiment, before turning his back to her and closing his eyes.  
  
**  
  
The next day was a Sunday and Nathan had invited the team and the cheerleaders to chill at his parent's beach house. First, he had to help Jake clean up the mess from the party before. Haley and Gracie had left earlier with Brooke so it was just the two boys, two cans of trash, and two dirty beer soaked Swiffer Mops.  
  
Nathan swept some Fritos from the floor into the trash bag. He noticed that Jake looked unusually upset. He kept huffing and sighing as he cleaned up a pile of broken pretzels.  
  
"What's your problem man, you're acting more dramatic than Lucas," Nathan said.  
  
Jake set down the rag he was holding.  
  
"It's you and Haley," Jake said.  
  
"Okay, well what about 'us'?" Nathan questioned him more specifically.  
  
"You're making me look bad, dude. She thinks you love my kid more than I do," Jake whined.  
  
Nathan raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I probably do," he answered.  
  
Jake stepped in closer to Nathan.  
  
"No, you just want in my girl's pants and you're using my daughter to do it," Jake accused him.  
  
Nathan started seething and his fists were suddenly clenched.  
  
"If I wanted her she'd be mine," Nathan spit out the words.  
  
"Look, our only rule is that we never fight over the same girl and so far we never have."  
  
Nathan laughed then.  
  
"You're deluded if you think that's what I'm doing. Besides, you've slept with ten or more other girls since breaking up with Haley, what claim to do you even have to her anymore?"  
  
"We have a baby. You can't understand but we'll never really be over," Jake replied.  
  
"So then why was I the one talking to your girl and rocking your baby to sleep last night?" Nathan shot back.  
  
"That's exactly it. Nate, I'm telling you to stay out of my business," Jake had wanted to diffuse the situation but that was looking like a hopeless wish.  
  
Nathan wasn't ready to let the conversation die down either.  
  
"You stop being a dick and I'll stay out of your business," Nathan exclaimed.  
  
He pointed around at his half of the living room, which was now clean and Jake's side, which was still filthy.  
  
"You've always needed me to clean up your messes: parties, girls, grades.it's almost second nature to me by now Jake; but just remember buddy, Tim's parents go away just as often as yours," he threatened.  
  
"I'm fine on my own," Jake countered.  
  
Nathan walked to the door.  
  
"We'll see about that," Nathan said as he slammed it shut behind him.  
  
**  
  
It's normal to have dreams about what you want your fantasy wedding to be like. Haley hadn't had one of these dreams in a while but each time she did they were pretty much the same. There was always a beaded white gown, which she discarded in the trash so she could saunter down the aisle in a red low- cut party dress. There was always a man (usually Jake but not always) in a tuxedo waiting anxiously for her in front of the minister, but it was usually the hand of the best man who she would grab before running back out of the church doors.  
  
Once she did have a dream where she was wearing the white dress and she did make it down the aisle. Her father handed her over to her expectant groom and he had recited his vows to her with a very passionate declaration of love and devotion. The wedding almost went off without a hitch - until Haley tried to say 'I do' but was unable, and instead she self-combusted and the wedding was called off on an account of 'charred-broiled bride.'  
  
The most curious part of her dreams was the best-man figure. She felt so drawn to him, as if her very being had been created out of him; Adam and Eve-wise. She felt naked under his gaze, so hot and bothered by him, that if she didn't leave the ceremony with him she would do something vulgar right there in front of her family and minister.  
  
She could check off a lot of people who were definitely not this best-man, like the bartender at her brother's wedding for starters. Brooke claims she knows a guy at Duke who fits this description perfectly and could easily hook them up, and Haley definitely plans on taking her up on her offer at the next college party they attend.  
  
Then again, Haley's sixteen and she hates weddings. She has a child, she is never lacking for a bed-partner and once she even let herself fall in love, or so she thought at the time. The white gown would stay in the garbage unless it was one of her other two sisters wearing it, and knowing the tradition of James weddings, most likely staining it with blood, wine, salad dressing, vodka pasta sauce or all of the above.  
  
Her subconscious was just going to have to give it a rest.  
  
**  
  
It was a perfect day to spend beside Nathan's pool. The sun was out, there were no clouds in the sky, and there were plenty of boys to provide Haley and Brooke with suntan lotion backrubs. Gracie's aunt Gina and grandmother were taking her shopping so Haley had the entire day to herself, and even better she didn't have to worry whether or not her daughter was in capable hands.  
  
"I don't know about you but I've died and gone to heaven," she said to Brooke.  
  
Brooke tilted her head in Nathan's direction. He was chatting with a few other football and basketball players, including the guy Brett that Brooke liked.  
  
"Yeah, it's not a bad sight at all," she whispered dreamily as she stared.  
  
Haley took in Nathan's form. He looked a little upset.  
  
"Jake's not here and Nathan's acting pissed. Do you think something happened after we left?" Haley asked.  
  
"I don't know. I could ask Nathan but frankly I'd rather be screwing him," Brooke said as unabashedly as if she had just read off a laundry list.  
  
"Give it a rest," Haley rolled her eyes and sat up, "or fantasize about it all you want in my absence. I need a glass of water."  
  
With that she stood up and sauntered past Nathan and the others into the kitchen. She poured some ice into a cup and ran it under the tap. She dripped some of the water on her chest to cool off her sun-tanned body. She jumped though when she felt some of the cold ice on her back. She turned around immediately to find herself face to face with Nathan.  
  
"I wonder what the point of having an Indian summer was before bikinis were invented," he started their conversation.  
  
Haley smiled.  
  
"Somehow I don't think the rotation of the sun is all that concerned with fashion trends," she responded.  
  
She crunched on a piece of ice and she couldn't help but notice that he was staring at her mouth.  
  
"Are you teething too?" he asked slowly, mouth erupting into a wide grin.  
  
"Nope," she answered, "but you know what else intense ice chewing is a sign of?"  
  
"Um, iron deficiency," he guessed correctly.  
  
"Yeah that," she began before walking to the screen door and turning around to finish her thought, "and sexual frustration."  
  
"Too bad Jake's not around," Nathan lowered his eyes and called out to her.  
  
"Yeah, that's too bad," she responded before joining Brooke again on the lounge chairs.  
  
R-A-V-E-N-S, the cheerleaders lead the crowd in an invigorating cheer to try and boost the spirits of the basketball players, who were down twenty- five points in the last quarter.  
  
Brooke and Peyton were going to be hoarse if they screamed any louder, Haley thought to herself as she watched her spirited friends in their element. Lucas and Tim had played a good game, but Jake had failed to make any baskets and hadn't been passed to for any assists. It was obvious to Haley at least that Nathan had something to do with it. Like usual he had carried the entire game but the lack of teamwork really weakened their overall effectiveness and they were trailing far behind the Wizards.  
  
Nathan scored a three-point shot at the very last second but it wasn't enough to win the game. The buzzer rang. A loud chorus of 'boo' reverberated through the bleachers. The players sulked into the locker room.  
  
Haley got up and walked down to the court to wait for Jake and the girls. She usually spent a little time with them after a game before having to go home, feed Gracie and put her to bed.  
  
"They were so bad tonight it was embarrassing," Brooke was whispering to Peyton.  
  
"They would have won if Nathan hadn't totally shut Jake out," Peyton responded back.  
  
Haley joined their conversation.  
  
"You noticed that too? I told you something happened the other day between them at the party Brooke," she emphasized.  
  
"You were right Haley," Brooke agreed.  
  
"I mean, I've known Nathan a long time. He is a very selfish player but he has never let his desire for a perfect scoring average affect the game in such a way that they lost," Peyton said.  
  
The girls stopped chatting when they noticed some of the boys from the other team getting closer.  
  
A very good-looking boy smiled a dazzling smile at the three girls.  
  
"My friends and I were wondering if you beautiful ladies would rather spend the rest of your night with the winners of tonight's game, rather than those losers you call friends," he said.  
  
Brooke crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"Yeah, I don't think so," she said angrily. "Take your obnoxious self and get the hell out of our gym."  
  
Just then Lucas, Jake, Tim and Nathan emerged from the locker room and were heading over to the girls.  
  
"What's going on here?" Lucas asked.  
  
"Don't worry your gorgeous self, pretty," Brooke began, "these obnoxious losers were just leaving."  
  
One of the other Wizards nudged the leader who had spoken earlier.  
  
"I thought you said these girls were easy, not bitchy," he whispered.  
  
Haley couldn't help but laugh at the boy's apparent wonder that he wasn't going to automatically get laid tonight because he helped win a high-school basketball game. She ignored him though and went to Jake's side so they could talk.  
  
"Okay spill," she said knowingly, "what the hell happened with Nathan?"  
  
"Don't start with me Haley," he said.  
  
"Hey, don't be like that. It wasn't my fault you played atrociously tonight but I do want to know what it was about before you take out your bitterness on me or my daughter," Haley said.  
  
"Why do you do that? Why do you assume I'm going to do something terrible to her? I'm a good father," Jake yelled.  
  
Nathan, Peyton, Luke and Brooke turned around to see if Haley was okay. She nodded that she was.  
  
"Can we take this outside?" she asked.  
  
"No, we'll talk about it right here. You want to know what my problem with Nathan is? We'll I'll tell you. I'm sick of him trying to get into your pants."  
  
This was so absurd that Haley couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Jake, he and I aren't even friends. He tends to show up when I need some help, or when I'm in the mood to banter with someone. I don't see how that equals him trying to get into my pants, especially when he spends most of his time in Brooke's," Haley replied.  
  
"Brooke is a waste of time. He wants you," Jake insisted.  
  
"Why the hell are you saying these things? Brooke is your friend and Nathan is supposedly your best friend. Should I assume you have plenty to say about me when I'm not in the room?" she accused him.  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"You're an asshole. If you want to see your daughter, make sure I'm not home when you pick her up," she said before walking back over to the others, ignoring his plea for her to come back and finish their conversation.  
  
"What was Jake mouthing off about?" Peyton asked.  
  
"You don't even want to know," she answered, "but I am completely done with him."  
  
Nathan had a tight smile on his face but he hadn't said a word the entire time Haley and Jake had been fighting. He just kept his gaze permanently fixed on her.  
  
The Wizard came back over, alone this time.  
  
"I couldn't help but overhear. Why don't you get your mind off that jerk and come party with us?" he asked.  
  
He outstretched his hand.  
  
"I'm Austin," he introduced himself.  
  
"Haley," she replied, shaking his hand then letting him keep her hand in his.  
  
"So what do you say Haley? Come with me?"  
  
Haley nodded at the boy.  
  
"Yeah, lets go."  
  
**  
  
Haley buried her head in the pillow so she wouldn't scream out. He was on top of her, mouth nipping at her neck and nails clawing deeply into her back. Beads of sweat dripped off his brow onto her body. She was still wearing the wedding dress; it was hiked up around her thighs. She moaned as his tongue slipped into her mouth. Nathan was inching his way inside her, purposefully taking it slow like he knew she hated it that way.  
  
** She opened her eyes. There was a guy, not Nathan, straddling her. He was working the clasps on her bra but she put a hand over his to stop him from going any further. She attempted to squirm out from underneath him but his hips held her firmly in place.  
  
"I want to get up," she said, brushing her hair out of her face.  
  
"You will," he said trying to kiss her mouth, "after we're done."  
  
She turned her cheek to his advances.  
  
"No now," she said forcefully.  
  
The guy, who she remembered now as being the blonde point-guard for the other team, Austin he had said his name was, wasn't getting the hint. She kneed him in the crotch and he finally stopped.  
  
"I told you to stop," she said angrily.  
  
"I thought you wanted this," he said through clenched teeth.  
  
"I changed my mind," she shot back.  
  
"Stupid bitch," he cursed at her.  
  
She got out of the car and started to straighten her clothing. She walked quickly away from Austin. They had driven to the beach with a six-pack and a box of condoms but at this moment Haley wanted nothing to do with either sex or getting drunk. She wanted to be home with her daughter not walking home in the dark. She fished her cell phone out of her purse and speed- dialed Brooke. She had to apologize profusely for fraternizing with the enemy but Brooke finally agreed to come pick her up. She was about to hang up with Brooke when she saw the headlights.  
  
The SUV came into view, with a familiar driver at the wheel and pulled up along side her. He motioned for her to get in.  
  
"I don't need a ride anymore," she said into the phone before flipping it shut. It started to vibrate a minute later as Brooke called her back but Haley ignored it.  
  
"Hey," she said to Nathan.  
  
He gunned the engine without returning her greeting.  
  
"No, don't you give me shit too," she said after a moment of his silence.  
  
He took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at her.  
  
"You shouldn't have stopped that guy back there; you're so wound up Haley," he said.  
  
Haley's eyes widened.  
  
"One, where on earth do you get the nerve to talk to me like that, and two, why were you spying on me?" she asked him.  
  
"I've been on your periphery for too long. You need to learn what makes me tick," he said cryptically.  
  
"Look Nathan, I appreciate that you watch my back but I don't need it and I don't deserve it and I really think it would be better if after tonight we went our separate ways," she replied.  
  
Nathan drummed his fingers on the dashboard as they sat at a red light.  
  
"Look Haley," he copied her pattern of speech, "I want you to listen to me and I mean really listen because I'm not going to say it again. Whatever Jake told you, he was wrong. I'm not trying to bad-mouth him to you, I'm not trying to get with you just to spite him, and in fact nothing I'm doing right now has anything to do with Jake. It's about me, and the fact that you are the only girl I know who I actually want to have a conversation with."  
  
Haley was surprised at his candid reply but she couldn't be sure of his motives.  
  
"Yeah, okay," she said sarcastically, "I'm sure your sudden interest has nothing to do with the fact that I'm the best fuck in the county."  
  
Nathan sighed.  
  
"You talk to your daughter with that mouth?" he spit back.  
  
"Hey, don't go there," she warned.  
  
"I just want to know Haley. What are you going to tell baby Gracie when she's thirteen, fourteen maybe, and asks why she has so many uncles slipping in and out of her mommy's bedroom instead of one daddy?"  
  
"I said shut up," Haley growled.  
  
"You can tell her there was this one time you were with a guy in the back of his car but you kicked him in the nuts and told him to stop. I bet she'll be proud of you," Nathan baited her.  
  
"Like you're any better?" Haley yelled. "You'll screw any girl with a pulse."  
  
Nathan swallowed.  
  
"But I'm not looking for love Haley."  
  
Haley laughed then.  
  
"That just shows you have no idea what you're talking about. It's sex I want Nathan. Nothing more, nothing less."  
  
Nathan pulled violently off the road onto the shoulder.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, slight trepidation in her voice.  
  
"Nothing more, nothing less, huh?" he repeated her last words. "Okay then, c'mon."  
  
"I'm not going to." her voice drifted off.  
  
"Yes, you are. You sleep with bartenders at weddings, you sleep again and again with a boy who cheated on you after you told him you were pregnant with his baby, and you are going to sleep with me right now."  
  
Haley unbuttoned the top button of her shirt.  
  
"That's the most action you're seeing tonight," she said coldly, "now start the car and take me home. I need to put Gracie to bed."  
  
The way he was looking at her was the way he had looked at her in the dream, like he wanted to possess her, have his identity be wrapped up in her own. His hand inched up her thigh. She tried to swipe it away but he wouldn't let her get the upper hand and unlike with the other guy, this time she stopped fighting. She waited for him to touch her but he didn't. Instead, he removed his hand and turned on the engine.  
  
"Then again, I think that's enough for tonight," he said with a smirk before driving her home.  
  
She's determined to figure him out and it is while Haley is putting Gracie down for her nap that she makes this decision. She will rack her brain all day if it takes that long but she is going to put all the pieces together and she is going to figure out what Nathan's end game is. He has to have one; that she is more than sure of. Nathan Scott is calculative. He plays basketball after all, he needs to be strategic on the court and his cocky attitude assures her that he treats every other aspect of his life with the same approach.  
  
So she's going to find out what it is he could want from her. It can't be about sex. He has Brooke and a million other girls for that. It would be a lot easier to just conclude that he wants to sleep with her, if only to have ammunition to throw back in Jake's face whenever he might need it, but she knows that's not it. He doesn't treat her like he treats Brooke. He pretty much ignores Brooke unless he wants to get off, while with Haley he is ever present. Omniscient she would say.  
  
What does he want from her and why does he want it all of a sudden? They had revolved around each other in the same circle now for a while, ever since the start of high school, and like he said he had always been on her periphery but that was because he never acted like he wanted to be anything else. Sure once in a while they had a conversation but whenever they spoke it was just a reminder of how he was always a little too egotistical for her taste. He knew he was the best, everyone else knew he was the best, and everyone had to treat him like he was the best. That was definitely not Haley's taste.  
  
Then again, maybe she had been too wrapped up in Jake to notice if Nathan ever acted any other way. He certainly could be self-less when he was helping her take care of Gracie. Her mind was screaming at her that it was just an act. Her body was screaming at her mind that she shouldn't care if it was an act if he was going to keep touching her like he did in the car. Her heart was screaming at both to shut up.  
  
She'll watch him, Haley concluded. She'll watch him like he watches her and then she'll know for sure what his game is. That would have to do.  
  
**  
  
There was another party. It was becoming all too clear to Haley how ridiculous it was to live like this: from one basketball party to the next and then consequently from party to the next. There seemed to always be another party, and this week Nathan was hosting.  
  
Haley was still on the outs with Jake and for that reason alone she wasn't sure if she would even be invited to the party. Brooke swore that Nathan wasn't talking to Jake either, though, so it would be fine. Haley dressed up in tight jeans and a halter-top, left Gracie with her mother and got a ride with Lucas and Peyton to the Scott mansion.  
  
The Ravens had actually won this weeks game so the party was in celebration of their success. Her first instinct as she walked in the door was to look for Jake, but she blew that off immediately as she saw him with his arms around some girl. He would never change and she really needed to let it go if they would ever be able to have a civil relationship in the future, if only for their daughter's sake.  
  
Remembering her earlier plan, she took a quick glance around the room with her mind set on finding Nathan. He wasn't there it seemed.  
  
"Nathan go on a beer run?" she asked Brooke nonchalantly, who had just walked over to them.  
  
Brooke was bright red from all the alcohol she had just consumed.  
  
"No, he's out back," she said a wide smile erupting on her face, "and he's heating up the hot tub."  
  
It was obvious now why Brooke was so excited. Haley felt herself smile as she thought about all the mostly illegal things that happened in that hot tub over the past few years.  
  
"Is he putting the bubbles in it? I love those bubbles," she couldn't help but exclaim.  
  
She was getting giddy at the idea of soaking in the relaxing soapy warm water, and she was sure she could find someone to go in with her if it turned out she wanted that as well.  
  
"It should be good to go in a few minutes. Want to christen it?" Brooke asked.  
  
Haley nodded her head. The two moved towards the back of the house. Theresa was out there with Nathan and Haley saw Brooke visibly clench her jaw when she saw the way Theresa had her arm suggestively thrown around him.  
  
Brooke didn't even wait to find out if the water was warm enough before she stripped down to a lacy bra and the tiniest thong Haley had ever seen. She sauntered into the tub as Nathan watched with an amused look on his face.  
  
Haley didn't think he expected her to follow but she did. She slipped off her jeans and her top, throwing them on to a nearby chair. The sight of her seemed to startle Nathan more than Brooke's did, as he visibly turned away from her as she stepped over the side of the tub and sat down in the warm water.  
  
Brooke may have had her own agenda but as the water jets propelled themselves into Haley's body she ceased to care about anything other than how relaxed she felt. She barely noticed when the water level went down a little indicating that there was another person in the tub. She looked at the person and couldn't help but sigh as Brooke shook her head.  
  
"Not now Jake," she whined, "I was actually starting to relax and enjoy myself."  
  
"I noticed," he responded, "so I thought that made this the perfect time to apologize. I miss her and I miss you, you know."  
  
"I know you do Jake," Haley started to say, "but I feel like I'm being irresponsible every time I leave her with you. What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Haley, let me prove myself," he said, "I don't know who I am without her."  
  
Haley sighed again. She knew she would give in and she knew why she would. She never wanted to have to tell her daughter years down the road that she had been the one to kick her father out of their lives. She never wanted to have to see the resentment in her daughter's face. Haley just hated the inconsistency, how it could be over with him and then in the next heartbeat its back on because it left her never really knowing her own mind.  
  
"Fine, but if you screw up again I swear I'm going to castrate you," she said.  
  
Jake was seemingly satisfied with a threat to his manhood as a response, and he started talking with Brooke about other things then so Haley turned her attention to Nathan. It looked like Theresa was trying to get him to go into the hot tub but he was adamantly refusing. She must have changed her M.O. to the bedroom because he suddenly decided to agree with whatever she said.  
  
"Slut," Brooke hissed when the screen door slid shut, "she knows that after last week he's sort of mine."  
  
Haley laughed.  
  
"You need to realize this right now Brooke that you have no claims on Nathan Scott," she said hoping her honesty would make Brooke realize she was right.  
  
"I kind of do," Brooke answered weakly.  
  
"Honey, no you don't," Haley said again.  
  
"Why are you being like this Haley? I thought you would back me up," Brooke responded, getting angrier by the minute.  
  
"If backing you up means feeding your delusions then I'm sorry Brooke but I can't do that," Haley said, hoisting herself up out of the tub and reaching for one of the towels that Nathan had left there.  
  
Nathan was in the kitchen standing over a blender when Haley walked in. Theresa was nowhere in sight.  
  
"That must have been one quick quickie," Haley joked.  
  
"I'm not in the mood for Haley humor," he said back to her.  
  
"It was that bad huh?" she slid next to him, "couldn't get it up?"  
  
She was chiding him and he was not in the mood to play along. He grabbed her arms and spoke to her almost icily.  
  
"If you keep this up I'm going to say or do something I'll regret later so could you please just not," he said.  
  
"Yeah," Haley conceded after a dazed moment, "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"No," he replied, "but thanks."  
  
"C'mon," she coaxed, "you've been helping me out so why don't you let me repay the favor?"  
  
He sighed.  
  
"It's stupid," Nathan finally said as he relented.  
  
"Nothing about you is stupid," Haley replied.  
  
"This is," he asserted. "I mean, I don't see my parents at all as is it so I don't know why this would even affect me."  
  
It suddenly dawned on Haley what he was referring to. Lucas had mentioned a while back that his father and his stepmother were having major problems.  
  
"Are they getting divorced?" she asked slowly.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Apparently it's a done deal. Papers went through last week and no one even told me about it. I found them on my dad's desk this morning."  
  
She absentmindedly touched his arm and without warning her pulled her into a hug. He sighed into her body and tightened the hold he had on her. Her senses kicked into overdrive and even though it was supposed to be a sullen moment she felt overly stimulated by his close proximity. It was even better than the way they had touched in the car because he actually seemed to need her this time, he wasn't just being crass. It would have been highly inappropriate to extend her tongue and lick his skin but that was what the brain synapses firing away in her head most definitely wanted her to do. Instead, she coolly patted his shoulders and pushed him off her, remembering just then how very little clothing she was wearing at the moment and how very easy it would be to reach up and kiss him.  
  
"Um, you know," she began with a clearing of her throat, "it might make you feel better if you talk to them about it," Haley said, thinking maybe that would console him.  
  
"What are you, my shrink?" he asked then and Haley recoiled away from him completely then.  
  
"No, I'm not Nathan. I'm not your shrink, I'm not your friend, so let's just not do this," she said before turning her back.  
  
He wanted to reach out to stop her but he didn't. He let her walk away, and spent the rest of the night with Brooke.  
  
**  
  
"You wouldn't believe it Gracie," Haley said to the little girl in the backseat.  
  
She was driving the baby home from her six-month doctor's visit, and talking to the child as she drove along.  
  
"He was in pain so I tried to be nice and offer some supportive advice and what does he do? He jumps down my throat," she groaned, remembering her talk with Nathan in the kitchen at the party the night before.  
  
"I was supposed to figure out what he wants from me but I think that's the kicker baby, I don't think he wants anything from me at all. I was just his amusement for the week, like some charity project slash kicking post," she said angrily.  
  
Her foot pressed the accelerator with more force the more she thought about it.  
  
"He said it himself. He's stupid. He's a stupid, stupid [I]boy[/I] who.who.is really stupid," she could have chuckled at how crazy she was sounding, incoherently bitching at her daughter about Nathan Scott and his mixed-up attitude.  
  
The light ahead of her was changing from yellow to red.  
  
"I need to re-group Gracie. I need to focus on you and your daddy and make sure he buckles down and treats you right because that is the most important thing. I need to not think about Nathan and his stupid stupid- ness. I need to not think about him.about his hands.about his hands on my."  
  
The light ahead changed to red but Haley was accelerating too fast to brake completely and she sped through the intersection. She missed a car turning left by an inch. Horns blew at her and the baby started to wail, frightened by the loud noises and her mother's cursing in the front seat.  
  
Haley pulled over immediately. She turned around to make sure the baby was okay. Gracie was screaming but she was only afraid, not physically hurt.  
  
She took a deep breath.  
  
"I need to breathe, I need to breathe," she repeated a few times, trying to calm down. She parked and opened the back door and unbuckled Gracie from the car seat. She held the baby tightly. She didn't hear as Nathan approached her from behind.  
  
"Are you okay? I saw you run the red light," he asked.  
  
Haley rolled her eyes.  
  
"You're here. Why am I not surprised? You're freaking everywhere," she mumbled.  
  
Nathan scoffed.  
  
"Get over yourself. The only reason I'm here is you're two blocks from Tim's house and I was on my way home from conditioning. Why would you say I'm everywhere?"  
  
"Uh, maybe because you seem to show up wherever I am," Haley said, regretting it the minutes the words came out of her mouth.  
  
"I think someone is a little paranoid. I promise next time you're almost in a car accident I won't be a good Samaritan and stop to see if your okay," he said.  
  
"Nathan I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just really shaken up right now," she admitted.  
  
"Well what were you thinking about that made you so distracted you ran a light," he asked.  
  
She looked up at him, and couldn't help it that her gaze landed on his mouth for a little too long, finally erupting in a full-blown smile.  
  
"Oh," he said, raising his eyebrow. "Was it something I did to distract you?"  
  
She continued to look into his eyes.  
  
"Yeah. I was thinking about how much I hate you and I forgot to pay attention," she said, skewing the truth but not completely.  
  
Gracie had stopped crying and Haley was more than ready to get out of there. She strapped Gracie back in her seat then faced Nathan again.  
  
"We should go," she said then, "I really need to get home."  
  
"Yeah alright. Get her there safe," he said before leaving.  
  
Haley climbed into the drivers seat and shivered. She made eye contact with Gracie in the rearview mirror.  
  
"He is still stupid Gracie," she said with a nod, "really, really stupid and you better not try to convince me otherwise."  
  
**  
  
Her wedding dreams vary. She's been pregnant in them, white dress constricting around her expanding belly until the pain starts and she starts losing the baby. She's been submerged in water, wet veil wrapping itself around her mouth so she can't scream out for help. She's been entrapped in a fire ridden chapel, soot and ash blackening dress and body alike. In these, she's always alone, and she always dies.  
  
**  
  
"Tell me again why you haven't gotten laid in a month?" Brooke asked incredulously as she and Haley waited on line for tickets to the movies.  
  
Jake agreed to watch Gracie so Haley could spend some much needed time by herself, or rather with Brooke but with no baby for the afternoon.  
  
"I just haven't," Haley offered up lamely.  
  
She had tried with a few other guys so it wasn't that she decided to go all born-again virgin on everyone. She didn't know exactly what it was that was stopping her, and she probably wouldn't admit the truth even if she did figure it out.  
  
"Well, you definitely missed out with Jimmy Evers, girl. That guy is hung like." she was pushed up to the ticket window then and said rather embarrassed, "oh, uh one ticket for what are we seeing?"  
  
"Cold Mountain," Haley tells the guy.  
  
Brooke hands him money.  
  
"The title sounds so boring. Why are we going to see this again?"  
  
"Because I want to and because you think Jude Law is so hot it's worth sitting through a period piece about the Civil War," she reminds Brooke.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Well, the sacrifices I make."  
  
Brooke gets her change and Haley buys her ticket and the two head into the theater. They bypass the too-expensive and too-fattening candy and popcorn stands and go to find seats. It's opening day for the movie so the theater is pretty packed even in the middle of the afternoon.  
  
The movie starts and after a half hour Haley realizes she probably should have eaten something before they left because her stomach starts to growl.  
  
"You're being loud and it's distracting me from the yummy boy on screen," Brooke whispered, "go get something to eat."  
  
The movie was another two and a half hours long and Haley knew she wouldn't be able to last that long without eating or at least without really annoying the people sitting around her so she got up slowly and tried to leave the theater without disturbing anyone. She walked up the aisle and was almost to the doors when she felt a strong arm pull her over towards the seats. They were all the way in the back and there weren't any people in the few surrounding seats. The only one sitting there was Nathan Scott.  
  
"What are you doing?" she hissed at him.  
  
He pulled her onto his lap.  
  
"You're been ignoring me for weeks and I don't like it," he whispered into her ear.  
  
"I don't care what you like or don't like," she said, struggling to get up.  
  
"Haley, we both know that's not true," he never raised his voice above a whisper and it was driving her crazy.  
  
He slipped his hands under her shirt. She started to moan a little, even though she tried to suppress it.  
  
"No, don't do this," she pleaded with him as he unclasped her bra and felt him cup her with his soft hands, "c'mon don't do.do that."  
  
**  
  
"Haley, shut up!" Brooke nudged her friend who had fallen asleep next to her.  
  
She couldn't help but giggle though as it seemed like Haley was having a pretty good sex dream about someone.  
  
Haley opened her eyes completely discombobulated.  
  
There was no Nathan. She was still wearing her bra. She was sitting next to Brooke not on Nathan's lap in the back of the theater.  
  
Haley yawned, and her stomach growled again. She never had gotten that food. She stood up again, or rather for the first time, and headed towards the doors. She was stunned to see Nathan sitting in the same spot he had been in her dream. He smiled at her and for a moment she thought he was going to grab her but then Tim swung open the door and sat down next to Nathan, and Haley exited as quickly as her feet would carry her.  
  
** 


	2. Trouble with a Kiss

It was like his life had become this monotonous circle: each day like a ring flowing into the next, patterned and predictable. There becomes no reason to search for the surprises in life because it seems like nothing will ever happen to bust open the mold. Except, when she is around, he sees a little glimmer of possibility and that is enough to drive him towards her despite all probable devastating costs.  
  
If he didn't act, it would be like he was admitting he was okay with having a static life. If he didn't acknowledge his feelings, it might take years for the ideal opportunity to come around again. He wouldn't be the only one to see her special character, and he knew all too well what happens when you don't act on what you want when you first want it. That was how Jake asked her out first.  
  
Lucas brought Haley into their lives at a time when the jocks and cheerleaders were in dire need of new blood. She was unpredictable, bitingly funny, never afraid to speak her mind, incredibly sexy, academically smart and knowledgeable, and always willing to try anything at least twice. The thing he liked about her most was that she paid him absolutely no attention. He was so used to girls fawning all over him that her usual unpleasant nod in his direction was a challenge he wanted to undertake. Then she fell for Jake, and he decided that girls fawning all over him really wasn't all that bad in retrospect.  
  
Jake would tell Nathan everything about Haley. Through Jake, Nathan knew what side of the bed she liked to sleep on; he knew her favorite places to go on a date, he knew the way she took her coffee, he even knew random tidbits of information about her like which Trading Spaces designer was her favorite (Doug, of course). He treated her indifferently while she was dating his best friend but the birth of the baby caused him to really take another look at this girl. It took incredible strength to keep the baby and raise her in Tree Hill, where the people never forget past indiscretions and always use it to remind you of your place as well as to kick you when your down. Her courage was beautiful, and he admired her for it greatly.  
  
Then again, she was also very much a mystery to him. Brooke and Jake were always talking about Haley so he obviously knew things about her, and he sometimes watched the way she interacted with the others at parties, and there was all the gossip spread about her at school, but there had never been an overly great amount of direct contact between the two of them. That was why, a few weeks ago, when he had been given the opportunity to watch after Gracie while Jake was otherwise occupied with a girl he took it, not only to show up Jake as well as fix his mistakes, but because he knew it would create a situation where Haley and he could finally exchange words. And that they did.words, sparks, flirtation all passed between them and it cemented the creeping suspicion in Nathan's gut that he had been destined to have this girl in his life.  
  
First though, he needed to get his priorities in order before second, he could find out how Haley felt.  
  
**  
  
"Brooke, will you stop," Nathan said as he tried to push the cheerleader off of him, "we need to talk and it's not going to happen if you keep on crawling in my lap."  
  
Brooke wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
"I don't want to talk. I want to kiss," she drawled, pressing her lips to his.  
  
"Brooke," he groaned, as he turned his head away from her mouth.  
  
"Nathan," she exclaimed, exasperated, "what the hell is so important that you're willingly passing up a make-out session with me?"  
  
"I've been thinking a lot about you and me, and me and other girls, and it bothers me how I've been acting. I'm going to make a change and I hope you can understand," he tried to explain himself to her.  
  
Instead of being mad she looked surprisingly overjoyed.  
  
"I knew it Nathan," she leaned up to kiss him again, "I knew I'd get you to commit to a monogamous relationship."  
  
She kissed him again, which preventing him from talking and telling her how badly she was interpreting his confession.  
  
"This is like the best news in the entire world I have to run and tell everyone I have ever met," she said, practically jumping up and down before kissing him a last time and running out of the room.  
  
Nathan fell back on the bed and ran his hand over his face.  
  
"Okay, what the hell just happened?" he bemoaned.  
  
**  
  
"Mom-my," Haley said to Gracie, "can you say Mom-my?"  
  
Gracie just looked up at her with those beautiful innocent baby eyes.  
  
"No? Okay then how about Ma-ma?" she asked again.  
  
Haley had been taking Gracie for a ride in her stroller when she started seeing if her little girl would imitate the words she was making.  
  
"Oh, c'mon.Ma-ma?" she repeated.  
  
She had this hope that Gracie would show that she was terribly advanced for her age and say the words right after her, even though she knew it was most likely not going to happen. Haley gave up on hearing her daughter recite poetry and instead starting tickling the baby's tummy. Gracie let out a laugh.  
  
"I guess that sweet sound is good enough for me," she said.  
  
It was such a beautiful afternoon that Haley had lost all sense of time, and she had walked a lot further than she thought. In fact, she noticed she was in Brooke and Nathan's neighborhood. She was closer to Brooke's but when she knocked on the door there was no answer. She started to walk home but had to walk passed by Nathan's house in the process. He had been in her mind constantly since the incident at the theater, and she decided she had nothing to lose if she stopped in to get a few new mental images of him and said hello. His mother, Deb, opened the door.  
  
"Hello?" she asked, slightly startled at the sight of the young woman holding her infant child.  
  
"Oh, this must look a little.I'm just a friend of Nathan's from school and I was passing by so I thought I'd say hello. Um, my name is Haley, I dated Jake for a while.I don't think you and I ever met though," she rambled on, inciting a smile from the older woman.  
  
"I know who you are now Haley. This must be Jake's baby girl Gracie, I've heard all about you both" she said.  
  
"Yep, this is my Gracie," Haley introduced her proudly.  
  
"She's stunning Haley," Deb said then, "you must hear it all the time but she looks just like you."  
  
"No I don't," Haley said, "so thank you."  
  
"You're welcome," Deb replied, "would you and Gracie like to come in for a little while. I'm pretty sure Nathan is still here and I can watch her while you talk with him."  
  
"Um, no don't go bothering him.I don't even know why I rang the bell," Haley admitted.  
  
Deb smiled.  
  
"I believe that we never do anything without deep down knowing exactly why we're doing it," she told Haley, "c'mon in, go see Nate."  
  
She held the door open and Haley walked in.  
  
"Would you mind terribly if I." Deb asked, holding her arms out for Gracie, "it's been sixteen years but I think I still remember how to hold one."  
  
"Yeah, okay," Haley said, handing Gracie to Deb, "everything you need for her is either in the stroller outside or in this bag here."  
  
"We'll be fine, and so will you," Deb said knowingly, "by the way, his room is the second door on the left."  
  
**  
  
Haley knocked on Nathan's door.  
  
"Mom, I said leave me." his voice trailed off as he saw it was Haley not his mother standing before him, "hey, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I was in the neighborhood," Haley replied lamely, "with Gracie and her stroller."  
  
Nathan laughed.  
  
"Is she with my mother?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, downstairs. Should I be worried?" Haley wondered.  
  
"Not at all," Nathan replied, "c'mon in."  
  
Haley walked in and Nathan closed the door behind her.  
  
"Nice room," she noted, "big bed."  
  
"Haley?" he asked then.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What are you really doing here?" his voice was serious.  
  
"I don't know," was her honest reply.  
  
She sat down on the edge of the bed. She caught a whiff of perfume; it was distinctly Brooke's favorite perfume.  
  
"When did Brooke leave?" she asked in a quiet voice.  
  
"A little while ago but how did you know that?" Nathan asked curiously.  
  
"You're pretty experienced with the opposite sex, haven't you noticed that different girls have different smells?" she replied.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I have but I just don't think all that much about it," Nathan responded.  
  
"So you're reputation would suggest," Haley joked.  
  
"Yeah I know the vibe I must give off," he said, "and I was trying to talk to Brooke about that this morning actually but she totally misunderstood everything I said."  
  
"That definitely sounds like Brooke," Haley admitted.  
  
"I try and break it off with her and she takes it to mean I'm asking her to be my girlfriend," he said.  
  
Haley's mouth had to drop.  
  
"You're seriously giving up free sex, any time you want it, with Brooke Davis? Why?" Haley questioned.  
  
Nathan just looked at her for a moment. If he was going to act, if he wanted to see what was really between him and Haley, it had to be done now.  
  
"Because." Nathan started to say, as he stepped closer to her, and kneeled down slightly in front of her.  
  
"Sometimes, when the light hits my face at a certain angle, don't you feel like you've known me forever?" he asked.  
  
He was flirting but it wasn't the in-your-face-overt-and-overly-sexualized flirting the two of them had been exhibiting towards each other, and she had to admit this side of Nathan was a nice change from the one she was accustomed to seeing.  
  
"You mean," she began slowly, "how sometimes, when the light hits your face at a certain angle, I can see right up your nose."  
  
She laughed at her hopeless, awful sense of humor and he leaned up to whisper in her ear.  
  
"Our moment," he said with a shake of his head, "is now totally ruined."  
  
She latched her fingers onto the collar of his shirt and guided him up onto the bed next to her.  
  
"I can fix that," she said huskily, placing her lips over his so they just about touched.  
  
She couldn't help but lick her lips in anticipation and she watched with fascination as his eyes closely monitored her every moment. He was so.intense with every movement he made.  
  
He made her lips wait, and trailed soft kisses down her neck. He eagerly tore off his shirt and hers, needing to have direct contact between their bodies.  
  
"In case you can't tell Haley," he whispered, "this means I like you."  
  
She groaned as he reached for her waistband, and placed kisses on the bone of her hip.  
  
"I like you too," she said then, "it's so much better this way, even though I do this with guys I don't like."  
  
He pulled away to look at her.  
  
"Is this just about sex?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know," she replied trying to bring his mouth back to her body, "does it matter?"  
  
Nathan succeeded in untangling himself from her and stood up.  
  
"Yeah, it does."  
  
He started to put his shirt back on.  
  
"Oh, no you don't," Haley groaned, reaching out for him, "you're the reason why I haven't been able to date anyone or screw anyone or think about anyone else in a month. You tease me and you taunt me and I can't stop fantasizing and dreaming about you; so this is ending right now Nathan, with you and me here on your bed, wrapped in your sheets, naked and glistening with post-coital happiness!"  
  
He gave her a disapproving look and she rolled her eyes in disbelief, knowing full well what she had just said was not going to happen now, even though she really wished it would.  
  
"I'm never honest with anyone but I was being honest with you before," he said, "and if you won't be the same with me than I guess I was just wrong to think that you and I had some stupid fucking connection."  
  
Haley started to button up her shirt.  
  
"I opened up to you about my parents. I listened to you talk about how Jake disappointed you and hurt you. I tried to help you with Gracie so you felt like you had someone to turn to because I know that feeling of having no one Haley, and it really sucks."  
  
He opened up the door.  
  
"Get out of here," he said angrily.  
  
She straightened out her clothes and stood up on shaky legs. She walked past him without a word but stopped right before crossing the threshold.  
  
Standing on her tiptoes, she pulled him in to her and this time covered his mouth directly with hers, and kissed him as deeply and as passionately as she had ever kissed anyone before. Then she went downstairs, pried Gracie away from Deb, thanked her for everything, and went home to call Peyton and figure out what the hell just happened. 


	3. The Disfunctional Courtship of Nathan Sc...

"This is too hard," Haley complained to Lucas.  
  
She threw down her pencil and calculator and dramatically laid her head down in her textbook.  
  
"What is, multiplying binomials? Haley, you can do this stuff in your sleep," Lucas reminded her.  
  
"I don't know why I couldn't just drop out of high school like every other teenage mother," she mumbled.  
  
Lucas tapped her on the head with his pen and she looked up.  
  
"You sound like an idiot saying things like that when you should be damn lucky you're still in school," he yelled at her.  
  
Haley sighed.  
  
"I know I'm just so tired I don't even think I know what I'm saying," she said then, "Gracie is teething and she won't sleep so I can't sleep and I can't multiply binomials if I don't sleep and I can't talk to my best friend without being an idiot if I don't sleep and."  
  
"Hold up, " he said, "was that an apology I heard in there?"  
  
She nodded, yes. Lucas leaned over then and picked up Haley's notebook and placed it in front of him.  
  
"I am such a good friend that I am not only going to accept your apology, but I am also going to finish your math homework so you can go to the nurse for the rest of this period and nap in her office," Lucas said.  
  
Haley got up and kissed his cheek.  
  
"You are the best Luke," she said, "and just for this I promise that the next time you try and cheat off me in Spanish I won't cover up my paper just to spite you."  
  
"Hey, I've never done that." he swore, but she was already out the door.  
  
**  
  
Haley fell asleep practically the moment she lied down, even though the school's beds were incredibly uncomfortable with the hard-as-a-rock cushion that they called a pillow and the wax paper covering that they called a sheet and would crinkle every time she moved. She needed a good power nap otherwise there was no way she would make it through the rest of the day. She hadn't been exaggerating about Gracie not sleeping; the baby was cutting her second tooth and it must have hit an extra-sensitive nerve because she had been miserably fussy for two days straight.  
  
It had also been just about that long since she stopped by Nathan's house. Taking care of Gracie had left her with little time to think about the events of that afternoon. She called Peyton to ask for advice but when she tried to formulate the words to describe what happened, she was unable to think of exactly what to say, so she let it go without discussion and it was now starting to fester deep within her.  
  
Nathan walked into the nurse's office. He had to get ice for his knee, which he busted up in practice the day before. He smiled at the secretary and went into her office to where the refrigerator was. He finished refilling the plastic bag with fresh ice, and was about to sit on the bed so that he could ice his knee when he noticed there was someone sleeping there already. It was Haley.  
  
He took in her sleeping form. The first thing he noticed were the dark circles under her eyes, which hadn't been there a few days ago when she had been in his room. She was sleeping so soundly, but it was cold in the room and she kept involuntarily shivering. He shrugged off his jacket and covered her upper body with it so she would be warm, before returning to his class and icing his knee there instead.  
  
**  
  
Haley held the letterman jacket in her hands and gently traced the outline of the name of the back: Scott. At first she had thought Lucas had given it to her, and that he had come by to check up on her, but after some prodding of the nurse's secretary she had been informed that it was the younger Scott brother who had come into the office while she had been sleeping.  
  
Her next class was English and Nathan happened to be in it with her. She would give him back the jacket. She walked through the hallway as inconspicuously as was possible for a girl like Haley James and found herself safe in the classroom in no time. He was already there, talking with Jake, Tim and Peyton.  
  
"Um, hi," she greeted them all hesitantly.  
  
In return: Peyton smiled and waved, Tim grunted that she was interrupting their conversation, and Jake rolled his eyes at Tim before leaning over and kissing her hello on the cheek.  
  
She turned her attention to Nathan, who hadn't greeted her at all and placed the jacket on his desk. She was about to thank him when their teacher, Mrs. Monroe started speaking and told everyone to take their seats. She smiled hesitantly at Nathan and then sat down.  
  
Mrs. Monroe started the period by explaining to her students that today she was going to run class a little differently than usual and that they were going to work in groups on special projects that would then be presented to the class later in the week.  
  
She read off the groups, and Haley really wasn't interested in who was paired with whom until she heard her own name called.  
  
"Haley, you'll be working with Nathan," Mrs. Monroe instructed before moving on to the next pair.  
  
Jake raised his hand.  
  
"You forgot to give me a partner so can I pick a group to work with," he asked.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Jake. Sure, go ahead," she said, glad that he was willing to correct her oversight.  
  
"Okay," he said with a grin, "I'll work with Haley and Nathan."  
  
Mrs. Monroe nodded that it would be fine, and marked it down on her sheet.  
  
"Now as you all know, we have been reading To Kill a Mockingbird and talking a lot about the themes that are present in the novel. What I want you to do for this presentation is to take one character and explain how he or she expresses one of the themes we spoke about earlier this week."  
  
The groups moved their desks together and there was a lot of chatter in the classroom, some of it related to the assignment but most of it idle conversation about football scores and drama club meetings.  
  
Haley had moved her desk over so she was sitting in between Nathan and Jake. She had her head stuck in the book, and was flipping through the pages.  
  
"We should talk about Boo," Haley suggested, "and his connection to the theme of alienation."  
  
Jake wasn't interested in schoolwork at the moment.  
  
"You know what would be more fun," Jake said then, "if we tell Mrs. Monroe there was some emergency at home with Gracie so she lets us leave, and then we go to the janitors closet and make out for a while."  
  
Haley's face soured.  
  
"No, and stop it. I agreed to talk to you again, and I'll let you visit with Gracie, and we need to work together on this stupid project, but that's the end of it Jake," she said definitely.  
  
Haley looked at Nathan to see if he had any reaction to this and found that he was watching her with a face as cold as stone.  
  
"You know that's not true, and that we'll be back together in no time," Jake answered.  
  
"No not this time," Haley replied.  
  
"Why not? Is our arrangement suddenly not good enough for you?" he asked.  
  
"Your 'arrangement' has never been good enough for me Jake," she seethed, "I didn't want an open relationship and you know it, but I agreed to it at first because you started cheating on me and refused to stop, and I don't know why but I was too in love with you to give you up completely."  
  
Jake crossed his arms.  
  
"Now you're getting all self-righteous on me? Don't make me out to be the only bad guy here Haley, you were always looking at other guys while we were together," he said.  
  
"I didn't, not even once, until after you slept with half of the cheerleading squad," Haley answered him so loudly that a few people turned around to look at the ensuing fight, "and then I certainly felt entitled to."  
  
Mrs. Monroe shushed them.  
  
"You can sugar coat your actions all you want Haley but everyone knows you're a slut and you always will be," Jake said just as loudly.  
  
Peyton had been listening to the conversation from a few desks away and becoming increasingly nervous about where this conversation could be headed. She threw a balled up paper at Nathan and mouthed at him to do something. Nathan sighed, and spoke up knowing he was only going to cause more trouble.  
  
"Jake, man," he said in a serious tone to his best friend, "stop this @#%$, because I swear if you call her that again and I'm going to beat your face in."  
  
Jake threw his hands up.  
  
"I knew you were screwing him," he said then, "you came in here holding his jacket, you keep giving him these intense looks, and now he's all defending your honor."  
  
"I can honestly say I never slept with him," Haley replied, "but that shouldn't matter Jake, it's none of your business who I'm with anymore."  
  
"I think it is Haley, because maybe I don't think it's appropriate for my daughter to be raised by a slut," Jake said.  
  
Nathan clenched his fist, and grabbed Jake's collar.  
  
"I told you if you called her that again I was going to beat your face in," he said before taking a swing at Jake's face, knuckles cracking against his nose.  
  
Jake punched back and his fist landed right in the area between Nathan's eye and cheekbone.  
  
The class erupted then and Mrs. Monroe flew out of her seat to try and break up the fight. Half the students were cheering for Nathan and half were cheering for Jake.  
  
Tim held Jake back and Peyton tried to grab Nathan. They were ordered to the principal's office. Jake started walking in that direction but Nathan started to take off the other way. Haley ignored Mrs. Monroe's protests that she remain in class and started running after Nathan. She caught up with him outside the gym, and pulled him inside before they got caught.  
  
The first thing she did was look at his eye, which was becoming quite swollen and discolored. She touched it gently and he flinched.  
  
"You were stupid to get in the middle," she began, "but I appreciate it, especially since you didn't have to after what happened in your room the other day."  
  
"He has no right to call you names when he doesn't even understand you," Nathan answered.  
  
He started to sway a little and Haley realized he might have a concussion if Jake hit him hard enough. She motioned for him to sit on the bench and he did, while she went into the locker room and removed an ice pack from the refrigerator in there.  
  
"You're a mess," she said, placing the ice on his head as he winced, "first your knee and now your head."  
  
"The nurse told you about my knee?" he asked.  
  
She looked down at her hands.  
  
"No," she said slowly, "I asked Luke about how you were this morning."  
  
He looked up at her.  
  
"Why did you do that?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know," she answered.  
  
He scowled.  
  
"I am so sick of your I don't knows," he said angrily, "when are you finally going to know something?"  
  
"I kissed you," she reminded him, "that was something."  
  
He continued to scowl.  
  
"It meant you were still worked up from before and you wanted some kind of release since I made it pretty obvious I wasn't going to @#%$ you," he was bitter.  
  
"No, it wasn't like that," she tried to explain.  
  
She rubbed her eyes. She was becoming so tired again, like she had been before she took her nap, but this conversation was one that needed to happen no matter how tired she was.  
  
"So then what was it?" he asked a little more calmly.  
  
"I.I think.if I slept with you it wouldn't just be for sex," she admitted.  
  
He smiled then.  
  
"You feel it too?" he asked.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I do. I really like you, okay," she spit out, almost embarrassed at having to say the words.  
  
"So what happens now?" he questioned.  
  
She smiled and then asked.  
  
"You want to go out on a date?"  
  
**  
  
Nathan and Haley went out on their date the following weekend. They went to a movie and then had dinner at a nice restaurant in traditional date fashion and like any James event the entire evening was plagued from the start.  
  
In the movie theater they had run into two different guys who Haley had been with, and who tried to pick her up while she was obviously on a date with someone else. Then, the entire thing had made her so flustered that she spilled her soda all over the person sitting next to her. In the restaurant her cell phone rang and her sister informed her that Gracie had not stopped screaming since the moment she left and that babysitting duty would be over in a half hour unless the baby calmed down. The two decided to leave and spend the rest of the night at Haley's house taking care of Gracie.  
  
It was later, after Gracie had actually fallen asleep in Nathan's arms and then settled peacefully into her crib, and her parents and siblings had all turned in for the night as well, that Haley led Nathan to her room, and shared their second kiss.  
  
Somewhere down the line he had become her strongest temptation. He represented loss of control, and while she thrived on losing physical control she hated losing emotional control of her faculties. If she got hurt.then she'd just have to bring him down with her.  
  
**  
  
Rumors flew.  
  
Nathan Scott and Haley James didn't get together without the entire world knowing about it, and by world it is meant to imply every person at Tree Hill High.  
  
The confrontation with Brooke happened sooner than Nathan would have liked. He had been hoping that she would be too mad to talk with him about it and then maybe never even have to have the conversation with her at all.  
  
She found him sixth period and dragged him into an empty classroom.  
  
"Why the hell is it all over school that you went out with Haley last night?" Brooke asked directly.  
  
"I tried telling you the other day at my house but you wouldn't listen."  
  
"No Nathan, the other day you said that you were sick of being with other girls and you wanted to change. You implied you wanted to change for me!" she yelled.  
  
"I never implied it but you jumped to that conclusion and didn't give me a moments chance to correct you," he explained.  
  
Brooke's face fell.  
  
"She's going to chew you up and spit you out. I've seen her do it a hundred times," she said.  
  
"It's different with me," he defended their relationship.  
  
"Well of course you're going to think that, sugar," she belittled him again, "Haley is very good at making boys believe whatever she wants them to."  
  
"You don't know how it is," he said.  
  
"That's where you're wrong Nathan because I taught that girl every trick she knows."  
  
She sauntered up to him.  
  
"I'll give you one last chance to change your mind," she whispered into his ear before kissing him on the mouth.  
  
He was caught off guard and he continued to kiss her for a minute before pushing her off him. He saw a shadow disappear past the window, and deep in his heart he knew Haley had seen him kiss Brooke. He left Brooke standing there as he ran out of the classroom and down the hall chasing after Haley.  
  
Nathan cornered Haley in front of the janitor's closet. The bell rang and students were shuffling into the hallway so Nathan quickly pulled her into the closet and locked the door. Haley turned her back to him.  
  
"Will you let me explain?" were the first words out of his mouth.  
  
"No," she responded.  
  
"I'm going to anyway," he said, "Haley?"  
  
"I don't care Nathan."  
  
He physically grabbed her arm and twirled her around so he could apologize to her face.  
  
"I told her that the rumors were true and that you and I were together now and she got bitchy and started talking trash about how she created you to be a cold hearted slut who can't fall in love and she got mad when I defended you and then she kissed me hoping I would go back with her but when I realized what she did I pushed her off. She gets that its over with her and me."  
  
"Whatever. I don't care," she repeated.  
  
She was glaring at him with cool, indifferent eyes. He had never seen her look at him like that before.  
  
"You don't believe me," he stated simply. Then he amended, "I'll make you believe me."  
  
He grabbed her then and lifted her up so she was sitting upon a shelf and stepped in between her legs. He pressed her to him and started kissing her. She squirmed, trying to get out of his embrace, but she stopped fighting when he started talking.  
  
"You know I'm different with you," he said, trailing kisses across her mouth, from one corner to the other.  
  
"You've kissed her mouth too," she shot back, pushing into his chest to make him back up.  
  
He didn't let go though. His lips were still terribly close to hers and he leaned in for another kiss but she pouted and turned her head. He was going to have to play a little rougher.  
  
He bit her lip and when she opened her mouth to ask what the hell he thought he was doing, Nathan plunged his tongue deep into her mouth. While he kissed her for a couple of seconds he skillfully unbuttoned her shirt at the same time. He broke off the kiss and positioned her arms around his neck. She let him but then once her hands were there she clawed him in the neck with her nails.  
  
"Haley," he growled.  
  
He placed her finger over his carotid artery. His heart was racing and she could feel it beating a mile a minute.  
  
"You feel that?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, so what," she snapped back, "you're blood is rushing other places right now too and you can bite me all you want but I'm not feeling that."  
  
"You are acting so dense. I'm trying to tell you that I'm falling in love with you so give me a little break."  
  
A brief glimpse of surprise passed over Haley's features before she returned to her stoic glare.  
  
"Don't ever kiss her again," Haley said then, a small smile creeping across her face after she said it.  
  
"I won't," he promised.  
  
"I mean it; not even a truth-or-dare kiss or a one-last-hurrah kiss," she demanded, as he started to kiss her throat and her neck.  
  
"I won't," he said again.  
  
She sighed against him, and tangled together they melted to the floor.  
  
"Haley," he called out a few minutes later.  
  
"Hmm," she said, removing her lips from his chest so she could answer him.  
  
"Can we switch positions, my busted knee is killing me."  
  
Haley started to laugh, and soon he was joining her. They kissed for a little while more, until the janitor knocked on the door and ordered whoever it was in there to get out, and then went to get Nathan some more ice for his knee.  
  
**  
  
The bride tried to show no fear but a sob escaped her throat as she continued to stare down the barrel of the gun.  
  
It had only been moments before when her groom had uttered their vows. She had closed her eyes because the intensity of having said her vows to the man she loved had been so overwhelming but when she opened them back up, expecting to be a married woman in a moments time, her groom was gone and the man had taken his place.  
  
"I'm not just going to disappear," he said and then he fired into the distance.  
  
The priest spoke over the ringing gun: I pronounce you man and wife. 


	4. Whirlwind Haley

He had scars; thin pink lines, pockmarks, burn discoloring, gashes.  
  
If taken separately each disfigurement might seem like a sign of childhood clumsiness or adolescent oafishness, but if a connection is made from each wound to the next a map tracing Nathan's maturity can be easily drawn.  
  
She asked him about them as they lay in bed holding on to one another. He told her each story in its entirety. She was patient as he tried to recall details. Nathan wasn't a natural storyteller but she could tell he was making an effort to try and captivate her with the snapshots of memories he was sharing. His eyes would widen just a little as he came relived the painful infliction of the wound and the corner of his mouth would tense up, before his shoulders would sag and his lip would droop back to normal all the while as he told her his tale.  
  
It was a little embarrassing to be talking so much about himself, but her eyes were fixed on him with such rapt attention that there was no reason for him to rush through. He wasn't going anywhere and neither was she, at least not until morning when the windy night air would no longer be rattling the blinds and Gracie would be awake from her sleep, in which Nathan found out first hand, she wheezes and gurgles ever so softly.  
  
Haley traced a small red line that traveled about six inches across his shoulder and down diagonally across his upper back.  
  
Nathan began to explain.  
  
"So I was five right, and the ring bearer at my aunt's wedding."  
  
He had only got a sentence out when Haley snorted. She hadn't meant to interrupt him so soon but she just couldn't help herself. "A wedding story, I should have guessed," she mused with a grin tugging at her lips. She stopped herself from full out laughing when she saw his bemused face and motioned for him to continue.  
  
"Weddings are usually emotionally scarring, but for me I was physically branded for life by my cousin Leo. Leo was ten and Haley, let me tell you I looked up to that kid like he owned the universe. I followed him around and I did whatever he told me to, which usually got me in a ton of trouble. He was just so cool; he played basketball, soccer, baseball, you name it and he was great at it. He didn't ignore me like my older cousins did so just for that alone he got an accomplice for life in all the stunts he pulled. Leo wasn't in the wedding so he was sitting in a pew towards the back of the chapel. I was standing next to my mother waiting to walk down the aisle with our cousin Sherry who was a little older than me and was the flower girl. Well, Leo had come up with a plan to scare Sherry, and lets just say I was supposed to drop his pet mouse down her dress but I never got a chance to. She saw the mouse burrowing through the ring pillow, screamed and pushed me so violently into the wooden pew that I was almost knocked unconscious. I also fell directly onto a pew that had a nice sharp metal piece sticking out of the side that sliced right through my jacket and into my shoulder. They rushed me to the hospital and my aunt went ahead with the wedding, only to find out two years later my uncle had been sleeping with his dental hygienist the entire time."  
  
Haley laughed despite herself and snuggled closer next to him.  
  
"You know, this is nice," Haley whispered, "I don't think I've ever heard you talk this much, not even with Tim and Jake."  
  
Nathan faltered for a moment but then replied.  
  
"Yeah well, I don't usually have a lot to say, but I thought that was a good story."  
  
Haley kissed his lips.  
  
"It was a good story, it confirmed my suspicions that you were a total monster as a child," she joked.  
  
Nathan kissed her back.  
  
"Right, and I'm sure you were a saint; I bet Gracie is going to have some high standards of deviancy to live up to."  
  
Haley shook her head, no.  
  
"I was a pretty good kid until I hit high school. Luke and I got caught drinking beers in like seventh grade but that was only after Timmy double dared me. I chugged that first can too," she said proudly.  
  
Nathan lifted himself up and propped himself on his arm. He looked down at her and said, "and how exactly was that not a sign of things to come?" he teased her.  
  
Haley's smile faded.  
  
"Some people don't watch for the clues, and then they are surprised when the shit hits the fan. I - I don't wait to be surprised; I just wait for it all to hit the fan no matter what direction the clues point me in. I just try and get my kicks in before it does."  
  
Nathan lifted her left hand and kissed the inside of her wrist.  
  
"That's incredibly cynical," he said.  
  
"I like to think of it as practical," she responded.  
  
When the phone rang then, nobody made a move to answer it. Nathan even partially covered her body with his to prevent her from getting up.  
  
"Uh, it might be my mother and if I don't pick up she'll know something 'lewd' was going on in the house and I'll get reamed for it," Haley rambled fast as Nathan reluctantly rolled off her and she picked up the receiver.  
  
"What?" she grunted into the phone.  
  
Jake rolled his eyes on the other end. "Nice bedside manner," he said dryly. Before she could get a word in edgewise he continued, "Look, don't hang up. You know I wouldn't call if it weren't urgent, but this is and I need to see you first thing tomorrow. My parents came home Haley and we had a long talk about Gracie and you-know-what. So, will you meet me at my house around noon?"  
  
Haley grimaced.  
  
"If you are the shit that hits the fan I'm going to.never mind yea I'll be there. Goodnight," she said as she hung up the phone.  
  
"Who was that?" Nathan asked as he nudged his nose into her neck.  
  
Haley sighed.  
  
"No one."  
  
She ran her finger over a pockmark on his cheek.  
  
"Now tell me about this one."  
  
**  
  
There was one thing Jake Anderson could say about his parents and that was that they were very blunt people. They say what they mean and they mean what they say. Jake inherited a little bit of that but he never enforced it the way they did.  
  
His parents loved Gracie. They loved to spend time with her when they were home and buy her lots of presents when they were away, which was most of the time.  
  
They had told him when he first told them about Gracie that if he wanted his daughter in his life he was to do exactly what they said without exception. He was to spend his sixteenth year living the way any normal teenager would (or try to since he still had the responsibility of taking care of Gracie and Haley). The hitch came when he turned seventeen.  
  
His parents believed that it wasn't respectable for Gracie, when she became of impressionable age, to not live with both parents as a married unit. They were pressuring him each time he spoke to them to get a ring on Haley's finger. They knew it wouldn't take much coercing into getting Haley's parents to agree to their underage marriage, considering the family Haley would be marrying into it.  
  
Haley herself though was always the obstacle to this plan.  
  
"Jake honey," her mother had said earlier this evening, "you are going to be seventeen next week. We gave you time to get all your childish impulses out of the way so that you now you could commit to your family once and for all. Either you make her see that this is the right course of action, or you will relinquish all rights to Gracie. Do you understand?"  
  
What else was he supposed to do, other than shake his head and call Haley and plead?  
  
**  
  
Haley got the feeling it was mostly Dan's fault for his and Deb's divorce but as she stood in front of Dan's large house, she realized he in no way get the short end of the stick.  
  
It was the night of the Scott annual basketball sponsor party where the parents of the members of the basketball team get together and some show off their children and those who don't really feel so greatly about their children show off their cars or furs.  
  
She strode into the party on Nathan's arm and all eyes were on them. She held her head and hoped that she could at least enjoy some of the party before Jake attempted to talk to her again. She met with him earlier that morning to talk and he brought up them getting married again. She told him countless times that she was not going to give in to his parents wishes, though something ate at her this time when she heard their ultimatum.  
  
"Please Haley, if we don't get married I can never see Gracie again," he had said, eyes so full of tears that Haley had to turn her head away so she didn't start crying herself.  
  
"I need to think about it," she had answered.  
  
But she wasn't going to think about it tonight. Tonight was about her and Nathan and celebrating his achievement as the star Raven. She was a little worried about him. His knee was not healing the way it should have been, and he refused to acknowledge this problem, or at least he refused to actively do anything about it.  
  
If you looked really closely at him you could see him limping slightly, but nobody other than Haley really was. Dan had greeted them at the door and then promptly disappeared for most of the night, only coming out of hibernation long enough to give a pompous speech about 'the great achievement of trying to live up to his standards.'  
  
Haley found out the truth about Dan Scott later on, after her run in with Mrs. Anderson.  
  
**  
  
"Hello Haley," Mrs. Anderson greeted her, kissing her gently on each cheek.  
  
"Hi Mrs. Anderson," Haley responded politely.  
  
"You look wonderful dear," the older woman complemented her.  
  
"Thank you," Haley answered, "I should really go call home and check on Gracie."  
  
It had been a lame attempt to bail but she had hoped it might play on maternal sympathies and work, but she should have remembered whom she was talking to.  
  
"Before you do that Haley, I must talk to you about something crucial."  
  
That was very much like Jake's mother, using words like [I]must[/I] and [I]crucial[/I] to describe everything that really could wait and is not very important to anyone but her. She remembered one time at breakfast Mrs. Anderson asking her, "I must know Haley, it is crucial, do you like croissants or would you prefer other pastries?" Ridiculous woman.  
  
"I spoke to Jake about it already," she tried to remain polite, "and I told him I have to think about it. You know how I feel about such things."  
  
Mrs. Anderson did know and she just chose not to care all that much.  
  
"You and Gracie will be well provided for. I am doing this for you, young lady. Jake will dilly-dally through his life if I don't put my foot down and force his hand. This is the best thing for you and my granddaughter, I know it is."  
  
What she meant to say was, this would hopefully prevent Jake from knocking up another girl who they would have to pay child-support for, but as blunt as Mrs. Anderson was, she was [I]only[/I] blunt enough to imply such things not actually spell it out.  
  
"I know you believe it is," was the only thing Haley could think of to reply. "I will be over the house in a few days to talk more about this with you."  
  
She made a quick exit and ducked into one of the bedrooms. She really did need to call her mother and make sure Gracie was okay, but as she reached for the phone that was by the bedside she realized there were voices coming from the bathroom. She ducked into a nearby closet and listened.  
  
"Dan, you need to stop this. We agreed it was a one time thing," Peyton exclaimed.  
  
"I know but I can't," he was pleading.  
  
"I said I wasn't going to come to the party unless you promised to leave me alone."  
  
"Peyton, please."  
  
She must have left and he must have followed because it was quiet a moment later and Haley peeked out of the closet. She was on her way downstairs to - well to tell [I]anyone[/I] what she just heard when all of a sudden Nathan was blocking her way down the stairs.  
  
"Hey baby," she sauntered up to him but he accepted her greeting with a cold shoulder.  
  
"I had a nice talk with Jake," he spat, "or well he talked and I tried not to punch his lights out."  
  
Nathan grabbed her hand.  
  
"He was blabbing on and on about how you two were getting married. I bet you could just imagine my shock, Haley," his voice was brutal. "So, where's the engagement ring?"  
  
Haley ran her other hand over her face in frustration.  
  
"It's not like that. I was going to talk to you about all of this tomorrow after the party Nathan."  
  
Nathan dropped her hand.  
  
"Don't bother," he barked.  
  
"Hey!" she yelled, getting angry, "don't you do that with me. Jake's parents want us to get married, not me. I don't want to be with Jake, not now. Not now that I'm with you."  
  
The last part of that was spoken so softly but Nathan still could hear it. He spoke up, just as quietly.  
  
"In those dreams you have, the wedding ones. Who is usually the groom?" he asked.  
  
"What does that matter?" Haley asked back.  
  
"I want to know," he growled.  
  
"It's usually Jake but." he didn't give her a chance to tell him that in her dreams the bride never married the groom.and the only time she did say 'I do' the groom had Nathan's face.  
  
**  
  
"Haley, have you seen Peyton?" Lucas asked Haley as she walked into the kitchen. "I don't know how I lost my date."  
  
Haley, already fuming over her conversation with Nathan, clenched her jaw and thought really quickly whether or not to tell Lucas what she had seen earlier.  
  
"If you find your father, I bet you'll find Peyton there too," Haley said after a moment.  
  
Lucas swallowed hard.  
  
"What did you just say?" he asked.  
  
"You heard me Luke," she responded, suddenly sounding quite tired.  
  
He was quiet, not sure what to say, but then the words just came stumbling out of his mouth.  
  
"Did you.you see them? It's illegal, isn't that?"  
  
Yes its illegal, she wanted to scream at him. Yes, people break laws. Yes, people break hearts. Yes, people break other people until there is no more body to break.  
  
"Well, you hate him so at least now you have some ammunition to blackmail the jackass with," she said coldly.  
  
Lucas sat down.  
  
"You're not helping here Haley. I need." his voice trailed off, he was too upset and confused to voice his needs.  
  
Haley stood in front of him.  
  
"You need what I need - a good fuck to forget about it all. I need to forget about Nathan and you need to forget about Peyton. What do you say?"  
  
Lucas's eyes shot up to meet hers.  
  
"Nathan?" he questioned. "I thought that was just a rumor."  
  
Haley cleared her throat.  
  
"Um, it was," she said unconvincingly.  
  
Lucas chuckled.  
  
"This just gets even better. You fell in love with Nathan," he was on the verge of tears, but whether with laughter or sadness it wasn't clear.  
  
Haley wondered about that. Had she fallen in love with him? Very possibly, she was on the verge of doing just that but what was going to happen now that Jake was on the verge of losing his daughter? Haley was a lot of things, but the one thing she always kept in the forefront of her mind was her daughter's welfare.  
  
Deep down, she knew exactly what she had to do, and to do it she needed to wipe Nathan from her mind, and purge him from her body. She was spinning. She was out of control. How could she get back into control? She knew one way that always seemed to work...  
  
Nathan was giving up on her. What did it matter what she did with her body now? Or at least, thats what she kept telling herself so that the tears didn't fall.  
  
"C'mon blue eyes. I'll show you love," she coaxed Luke and guided him unsteadily up the stairs. 


	5. The Beginning of Who Knows What

[I]'Round and 'round the cobbler's bench  
  
The monkey chased the weasel,  
  
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun  
  
Pop! Goes the weasel.[/I]  
  
Haley hummed the child's tune to Gracie as she rocked her in the rocking chair. She gently brushed back her daughter's hair and laid a kiss on the top of her head.  
  
"You and me.we've been through a lot kid," she muttered out loud.  
  
The rocking was providing some comfort for Haley, but only to an extent. She couldn't stop thinking about what happened at the party. She hadn't meant to do what she had done. Then again, that wasn't an unusual thought to be filtering through Haley's mind. She had terrible decision-making skills; she didn't let reason drive her around. She sought out immediate compensation to battle her insecurity, not willing to wait and see if time had the power to be a better judge and jury. She had no patience for time.  
  
She was doing the best she could, and she hoped that Gracie would realize that. She wanted to continue to do the best for Gracie, and that was why she continued to agonize over her predicament with Jake. His mother did have a point; she and Gracie would be well taken care of she married Jake, even if it isn't what Haley herself wants.  
  
Or, then again, does Haley have the right to be selfish and do what she wants even if it hurts someone else? In her gut she knows she doesn't, and that she stopped having that right the moment she squeezed Gracie out from her womb.  
  
"I'm the monkey, and your daddy is the weasel.and I have a bad feeling Gracie that this is all going to end the same way as your song - with a big old pop."  
  
**  
  
First stop.Jake's house.  
  
She told him how it had to be, that she wouldn't let Gracie grow up without her father, but he had to promise her he would grow up along with her, preferably sooner rather than later.  
  
He promised he would, and slipped his grandmother's engagement ring on her finger.  
  
There was no hugging. There was no kissing. There was only an exchanging of promises, promises that broke her heart in half because she meant every word but wished she didn't.  
  
Then she left.to make her second stop at Nathan's house.  
  
He invited her in. She grimaced as she watched him walk painfully in front of her, hunched over slightly as it was obvious that the injury to his knee was still causing him a lot of trouble.  
  
They stood in the room silently, just taking in the appearance of the other. She wanted to talk but no words were coming to mind. I'm sorry just sounded trite and it wasn't enough to cover the depth of emotions she felt at the moment. She wasn't sorry that they had a fight - couple's fight - she was sorry that a year ago she dated his best friend instead of him. But how can one apologize for decisions they don't expect to be apologizing for later on?  
  
He saw the ring as she sighed, and brushed her hair out of her face. He had to say something.  
  
"How about we don't drag this out Haley," he began. "You have to do what you have to do and I think a part of me always knew that, which is why I waited so long to make a move and tell you how I felt. I must have known all along that this just wasn't meant to be."  
  
"It sure felt like it was," she responded sadly. "I really-."  
  
"No don't say it," he answered back.  
  
"Nathan."  
  
"Haley, what can I say.you've gotten into my blood," he relayed to her as much of the inner workings of his heart as he was going to. "I think I might even love you, but look, this isn't even about me and you. I know what you did last night - with Luke and I don't even care because I know why you do the things you do and it's the same reason I do what I do. We reach out and we try to find meaning in what makes us feel good at the moment. That's all we were Haley."  
  
She turned her back so he wouldn't see the tears fall down her face.  
  
"Yeah, that's all we were," she echoed.  
  
He touched her shoulder comfortingly.  
  
"I have to lie.I have to say everything I can to get you to leave," he admitted in a whisper.  
  
Now he was being stupid. He was supposed to stay strong and hold back his emotion so that she could leave and move on without wondering what if, but as she started to cry all his resolve melted and he had to confess the truth.  
  
"Maybe we could sneak around; I'll marry Jake but just in name only," she offered, allowing him to turn her around and take her into his arms.  
  
"That's not the life you want for Gracie and its not the life you want for you," he said knowingly.  
  
"No, it's not but at this point I don't think I'm ever going to have the life I want," she replied. "I want you."  
  
He kissed the tears that glistened on her cheeks.  
  
"I want you too."  
  
He kissed a trail down her cheeks and to her mouth, now kissing her hungrily. She sighed into his mouth, trying to remember every second of what this was like, of what it was like to kiss Nathan, to have him hold her, to feel so at peace in someone else's arms.  
  
"It's our decisions in life that set things in motion," he said as he pulled away from her. "You're being with Jake happened for a reason. You need to continue down that path and see where it takes you. Who knows, I still might be at the end of the dark tunnel Haley."  
  
He kissed her one more time before limping out of the room.  
  
"Dark tunnel?" she scoffed as she led herself to her car.  
  
Why did she have the feeling there was a bright light at the end of this dark tunnel, only she was pretty sure it wasn't nature's light - but that of freight train, ready to knock her down for good.  
  
**  
  
There should have been drama. There should have been chaos. There should have been a trip to a hospital, or a slip up of the wedding vows, or something.anything to prove to Haley why she was so against getting married all of these years. There hadn't been any of that. It had been the most calm and collected James function to date.  
  
She wanted to sabotage the wedding herself. As she sat there with Jake to her side, in her subdued white wedding gown, she thought about all the dreams she had had. She wished at the moment that she could be that bride; the bride who didn't made it past her wedding day. She wished that she could end it right now (drown herself outside in the wading pool - she had had that dream hadn't she?) but a part of her knew she had come to far to do that.  
  
Gracie was sixteen months old now. Haley smiled as she watched her older brother Timmy twirling around with her daughter on the dance floor. Gracie was maturing into a wonderful child. She was thriving in her new environment, living with both her mother and father. It amazed Haley that such a thing really mattered. She was a lot less fussy now that Jake was around all the time and all around a happier baby.  
  
She found it hard to keep her attention on Gracie though when her mind kept forcing her to look at the door - wondering if he was going to show up at all. She had been a little disappointed that after everything - after years of having dreams about brides and grooms and the best man that tried to steal her away - her wedding went off without a hitch. Tim had been Jake's best man, and Haley wouldn't go near that with a ten-foot pole. Then again, she didn't need Nathan there to know that he was the one she would always want, that he was the one she would always choose if she were free to do so. The problem was - her life wasn't a dream. She had Gracie to consider and that meant saying, "I do" to Jake.  
  
Though, she couldn't stop thinking about the one dream that never fit with the others. The one where she had actually been about to get married to the man she loved, only it was another man - one she didn't love - who tried to stop the wedding. It was this dream, that often times played over in her head, that made Haley wonder if Nathan was right that day in his living room.when he told her that he might be there at the end of it all.  
  
Maybe.maybe if she stopped relying on instant gratification.if she learned to tolerate time.maybe then she would start to understand it all:  
  
"I'm not just going to disappear," the man had said in that unusual dream.  
  
She had a feeling as she looked at Jake, really looked at Jake, that this was just the beginning.but the beginning of what, she had no idea. 


	6. Wicked

Haley's knees buckled and her back arched as the man above her released his energy into her. She dug her nails into his skin and kissed the sweat off his cheek, before calling out the name she always called out in this position."Nathan."  
  
The man she had just met twenty-five minutes earlier stopped what he was doing and looked deep into the beautifully vacant face of the pretty young woman, questioning her with his blue eyes. He let out a little laugh.  
  
"Who's this Nathan?" he asked in a husky voice.  
  
"You are for tonight, 'if' you get my drift," she replied back.  
  
He lifted up her left handed and kissed her palm. She pulled her hand away when he tried to touch her wedding ring.  
  
"Why do I have the feeling that's from another 'Nathan' too," he teased her.  
  
"Nope, that's from my husband," Haley said as she sat up. "His name is Jake, and you talk way too damned much."  
  
She pushed some sweaty strands of dark brown hair out of her face. She tried to remember why she had picked this guy to go home with. Was it the ears? The smile? His biceps?  
  
It was her little secret. When she went out now the first thing she did was scour the room for men who were like him in any way shape or form.  
  
She always called out his name in bed. For some of the men it was a turn off, for some a turn on, for others it didn't make one bit of difference what the hell she was screaming as long as she was screaming.  
  
Nathan had had a hard time. People told her he went back to Brooke.Luke and Peyton (separately) broke the news to her.they also told Haley that Nathan had to quit basketball and that he was having major surgery on his knee.the damn limp she noticed so many times having been a sign of injury all this time. He needed someone to help him through, and Brooke was a friend at least, if not also a lover.  
  
She wrote him a get-well card and never sent it, shoving it away in her desk, putting all her thoughts of him there in that desk, stuffed away too while she tried, and damn did she try hard - to make it work with Jake. For months and months she kept to her vows, she devoted herself to Jake and Gracie - taking her vow to be his partner very seriously and at first things were great between them. But, slowly, it became painfully aware to Jake that there was one wifely duty Haley was trying hard to keep from doing to the best of her ability. They had consummated their wedding night, but she had not touched him once since, and her lack of intimacy drove Jake to the point where he had scheduled for them to see a counselor.  
  
But they never went to see the counselor because Haley fixed the problem all on her own. She turned back the hands of time, pre-Nathan, or rather alternative Nathan. The first man she slept with since marrying Jake had Nathan's nose. The next had his thumbs, same shape nail, roughness, size. This one, oh yea - he had his butt.  
  
This way, she had pieces of him. She could call out his name as she writhed under a man she only pretended was him, so that when she went home and made love to her husband, she wasn't any more or less disgusted with herself.because no matter how she looked at it, cheating was cheating was cheating whether or not your hand is forced or your heart is bound.  
  
**  
  
She began to understand what was so important about the word compensation. She compensated for her behavior by becoming the best mother to Gracie that she possibly could. She never spent time with Luke or Peyton or her siblings unless Gracie was with her. The baby used to help her do her homework even if it was drawing with crayons all over her binders, but school became too demanding and she dropped out a couple of weeks after marrying Jake.  
  
Gracie was almost two and becoming a 'real person' who was learning to talk in sentences and walk without falling on her bottom and to eat at a table and to drink from big girl cups and all the exciting things that toddlers do.  
  
The problem was, she was becoming reckless. Not using protection enough, getting caught up in the moment.if she didn't watch out she'd have another Gracie in nine months, one that may look absolutely nothing like Jake, and would look absolutely nothing like Nathan - except for maybe one finger or one ear - and then, only then would her reckless insanity break her heart.  
  
**  
  
It was insane to think that their first meeting would take place in such a pedestrian way - at the grocery store.  
  
Haley was pushing Gracie in the cart up and down the aisles. She had her list in front of her but she had it mostly memorized, and it was much more imperative to watch Gracie while she shopped, the little girl had sticky fingers and liked to pull everything she could reach into the cart, then to stick to Jake's list.  
  
She bought some apple juice, two cans of tuna fish, a steak to cook for dinner and was rounding the vegetable isle to pick up a head of lettuce for a salad when she ran into him.  
  
He was holding a bag of baby carrots and inspecting them for something, what she had no idea.  
  
"Gross, is this mold?" he asked a woman standing next to him picking out tomatoes.  
  
"Yes," the woman said wrinkling her nose. "I know you're young but please don't buy that."  
  
Nathan laughed and put down the bag. He picked up a bag of unpeeled carrots and Haley heard him tell the woman, "I guess my mother will just have to deal with dicing these herself."  
  
Gracie let out a squeal, she was getting restless and Nathan turned around quickly to see what had made the startling noise.  
  
He stared at her and she stared right back at him, up, down, through, inside and out of him. She felt herself heave a sigh that could have shaken the entire store.  
  
He was standing before her. Not parts of him. Not men she pretended were him, it was just him. She never felt more ashamed.  
  
"Hi," he said cautiously, slowly moving closer to her. He smiled at Gracie. "Wow, she got so big."  
  
"Hi." she forced out the words, "yeah she is, isn't she."  
  
"Yeah." he agreed. "Is it just me or is this is a little awkward?"  
  
"Um.I can't do this," she tried to turn around but he grabbed her arm.  
  
"No, don't go," he pleaded. "I haven't seen you since.how was the wedding?"  
  
"Went off without a hitch," she spoke a little more harshly than she intended.  
  
"That's surprising for a James event," he tried to joke.  
  
"Yeah, it was," her voice was even.  
  
"Okay well," he looked dejected, "I'll let you go. We shouldn't be doing this anyway."  
  
Haley laughed then. A deep belly laugh.  
  
"I knew it," she said under her breath. "You suddenly have such high morals that just talking to a married woman is wrong?"  
  
He looked confused.  
  
"I'm not talking to just any married woman. It's you," he said, his voice becoming a whisper towards the end.  
  
"Its me," she echoed, "you don't know me anymore. You would hate me if you knew."  
  
Now he was not confused but rather terrifyingly intrigued.  
  
"What did you do?" his voice was accusatory, the way that sent shivers into her soul the only way Nathan could.  
  
"I regressed," she admitted, "men, lots of men. I look for you in every single one."  
  
He inhaled sharply.  
  
"How do they rate up against your husband?" he asked hesitantly.  
  
"Most are a lot better than him," she said with a slight laugh.  
  
"How do they rate up against me?" he asked his second question.  
  
"Can't hold a candle to the real thing," she explained. "I couldn't go back to you - I couldn't hurt you like that but I needed.I'm so ashamed."  
  
She covered her face in her hands.  
  
"I appreciate you not jerking me around," he said honestly, taking her hands away from her face, "you know the last thing I wanted was to be the other man - to compete with Jake every day for you, it would have killed me."  
  
"It would have killed me too," she said.  
  
"So then this is better," he said with a small smile, indicating he was lying through his teeth.  
  
"It has to be," she replied.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He took a deep breath.  
  
"Okay, I'm going to walk away now. It was nice to see you again," he said as formally as he could without his voice catching.  
  
He reached out his hand but she hurled herself into his body and hugged him as hard as she could instead. She kissed his collar and nuzzled herself into him and he ran his hands through her hair before backing up.  
  
"Bye," he whispered as he turned around and walked towards the cashier.  
  
Haley picked up the carrots he had been holding but were still sitting on the shelf.  
  
"You forgot something."  
  
**  
  
Seeing him again changed everything. She had told herself for so long that she didn't need him. That it was only her mind playing tricks on her and that if she satisfied her mind with pretend versions of him than she would be fine, and she could be happy in her role as Jake's wife.  
  
The moment she saw him again she realized that was complete bullshit. She had been deluding herself into believing that she could honestly be happy with someone who didn't make her happy, but it was the same situation as it had been all those months ago - her hands were still tied.  
  
That night, as she lay in Jake's arms, she let images of Nathan fill her mind.  
  
His smell wafted under her nose. The curve of his spine under her finger tips. The gaze of his eyes burned the nerves under her skin.  
  
She had to be with him again. She just had to.  
  
**  
  
He was waiting for her in room 6 of the dingy motel on Main. He told himself he was only there to talk to her, nothing more. He had kept his distance for a reason and nothing she could say would change his mind.  
  
She came into the room, crying mascara tears down her entire face and onto her neck. He pulled her into his arms.  
  
"What, what is it?"  
  
She looked up into his concerned face.  
  
"Jake was in an accident. He's gone."  
  
He stiffed up.  
  
"Say that again," he ordered.  
  
"Jake.he's gone."  
  
He searched her face.  
  
"Are you lying?"  
  
Her face contorted.  
  
"Of course not. I just came from the hospital."  
  
It was then that he noticed her blood soaked clothes.  
  
"C'mon, take these off. Where is Gracie?"  
  
"With my mother," she said through chattering teeth, as he pulled her shirt over her head.  
  
"It's too soon for." he didn't need to finish the sentence because she nodded in agreement.  
  
"I know. We're the only ones in this shitty rat-hole who won't be getting laid tonight," she tried to make a joke but it came out sounding forced.  
  
Her eyes were glassy and tears were threatening to fall.  
  
"I tried to swerve. I didn't want the car to crash into Gracie so I swerved and it hit Jake full on the passenger side," she admitted as a sob escaped her throat. "Nathan, I'm free."  
  
She cried openly in his arms and he caressed her hair and back.  
  
"Doesn't feel good, does it?" he asked knowingly.  
  
She swiped at her eyes before answering.  
  
"No. It hurts more than saying I do." 


	7. Fin

Haley James hated being Mrs. Jake Anderson and that little fact only made it harder for her to grieve. She was on the cusp of turning eighteen - had about two weeks left - and she knew that she wanted to start her next year as another person entirely - as Mrs. Nathan Scott. But she was afraid of her perfect weddings. She was very afraid.  
  
Nathan was great with Gracie, who didn't understand and couldn't understand why her Daddy didn't come home every day and play with her, like he used to. It helped having another man around but Gracie would more times than not cry and throw around her toys and pound on the floor, wailing at him: "No you, I want Daddy."  
  
Jake had held to his end of the deal. He had turned around and really showed himself to be a good husband and father. It cemented her belief that we make decisions in life and have to follow through with them - because something positive does always come out of it, even when there is absolutely no hope of that happening. Jake spent the last few months of his life extremely happy and that in and of itself made Haley feel both more and less guilty at the same time.  
  
She was going to have to make a decision again. Nathan was graduating from high school shortly and he had been admitted to a sports-announcing program at a college in upstate New York, since he was still unable to play himself.  
  
That alone should have made him sink back into himself but it didn't. Basketball had been his everything for so long, until Haley.until he felt for that first time how passion can fill you up inside, how being with her was better than any game-winning score. He was good at the game, and he would use his skills in his career as a sports announcer, but he was better at something else. He was good at loving Haley too, and now he would finally have his chance to show her. The way Nathan rebounded from his injury filled Haley with the sense that she could do the same thing, and that she was going to be able to rise up through her despair and make everything all right.  
  
They scheduled a wedding for June, three days after Nathan's graduation. It would be three months after Jake's passing. It was not an appropriate amount of time, everyone she told about it had that to say, but then again they would sigh, when did you ever do anything according to time.and they would look at Gracie, and the shiny wedding ring on her finger and shake their heads.  
  
She took off the ring after about two months. It felt right. She hadn't been with Nathan since they "got back together" and that helped Haley to make the first decision she was actually proud of herself for making.  
  
**  
  
The wedding itself was beautiful. They held it in the backyard at Nathan's beach house, overlooking the water on a crisp, calm, peaceful day. Haley, on the other hand, was a complete wreck.  
  
She was waiting. Where was the man who was going to ruin her wedding? What was the loaded gun that was destined to go off! Was it all part of her imagination? So many questions she had.and no answers.  
  
That was - until she had a last minute conversation with the wedding planner right before the ceremony was about to commence.  
  
The man walked up to her, his hands tucked neatly in his pockets.  
  
"I'm not just going to disappear," the man said to her, and watched as all color drained from Haley's face.  
  
"Excuse me?" she managed to whisper, shell-shocked.  
  
"I said, I'm not just going to disappear. You never paid me the last amount lady, three hundred and seventy five dollars isn't chump change."  
  
Instead of fainting, Haley directed him over to Nathan and told him he would write out the check. Then she laughed. Laughed and released all the tension that had been building up inside her since she slipped her ivory wedding dress over her head this morning.  
  
**  
  
Gracie walked down the aisle first. She toddled about half way down and then stopped, looking around for familiar faces but all she saw was folding chairs, and shoes and the baby was about to start crying when Nathan called out to her and Gracie took off, dropped the basket of flowers, and ran into his arms. He held her and ran his fingers through her pigtailed hair and together they watched as the bridesmaids and bridegrooms walked down the aisle.  
  
Peyton walked with Tim. Lucas walked with Haley's sister Noelle. Her other sister Gina was the maid of honor and walked slightly ahead of Haley.  
  
When the music began, everyone stood up and Haley was lead down the aisle with her father by her side.  
  
He shook Nathan's hand, kissed Haley's cheek, then remembered to take Gracie out of Nathan's arms.  
  
It was judgment day. Either this would finally happen or she would be struck down by lightening in the next fifteen minutes. Either way, staring into Nathan's eyes as he stood by her side in front of the minister, it would be okay.  
  
"Hi," Nathan mouthed softly as the minister began talking to the congregation.  
  
Haley smiled.  
  
"Hey yourself," she mouthed back.  
  
"There's no going back now," he said softly.  
  
"You ready? This is a BIG deal I hear," she whispered with a grin.  
  
"Oh, I'm ready," he answered.  
  
"I hope you know what you're getting yourself in to. I hear I'm a handful," she whispered.  
  
"I scored fifty-five points against the Cavaliers, the best trained high school team on the eastern sea-board. You, I can handle whatever you throw my way," he mouthed. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too," she mouthed back, before turning her attention to the minister.  
  
See, Haley James hated weddings, but as she stood before God and her husband and vowed to love, honor and respect Nathan for the rest of her life, she decided maybe, just maybe, this one wasn't so bad.  
  
[I]By all the power invested in me.I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride[/I]  
  
No, this wasn't bad at all.  
  
**  
  
But that night as Haley drifted off to sleep in Nathan's arms, she had one last dream.  
  
**  
  
The bride took off her wedding dress. Her arms encircled her bare slightly protruding stomach, where she felt the new life growing inside of her.  
  
She felt something else.it was his aura.her soon-to-be son. She should have been comforted by this new life but slowly, a sinking feeling crept up on the bride and she knew.as she did the math silently in her head.the father was not.  
  
The bride held her stomach, and wept.  
  
**  
  
Haley grabbed her belly.  
  
She gasped.  
  
Then wept.  
  
--Fin-- 


End file.
